Is it wrong of me to feel tired? Like everything is closing in on me and I do everything I can to keep from getting stuck? But then I just think…. What’s the point, really? Is there even a point? looking back I can see why I am tired even though I’m just 15 I feel like I’ve been around for too long. Do you understand that feeling? I’ve had it since I was… 10 I suppose. When Sissi died…
Looking back when I was little, I was quite a happy kid. I had my mom and dad, in a small cozy home, grandparents came to visit and mom even got me a dog called Stefie. Then mom and dad started fighting, I hardly slept at night when it started. My grades dropped and I became very quiet in class. I had two friends who I stuck with till group 5 since that’s were we fell apart. Dad left eventually to Venezuela for work. I was a mess for a while and so was mom but we eventually picked each other up and kept going, supporting each other.
Mom eventually found a guy when I was 8 or so and married him when I was 10 and mom was pregnant with my little sister then too but in the mean time dad had already gotten a new wife and I got a little sister there already too. I was upset cause my new step dad had stolen my mom from me. I wasn’t upset at my new step mom though cause she was open and included me whenever I visited even though her own parents didnt like me.
Then Sissi died and I wasn’t there for her… I should have stayed there and kept feeding her and taking care of her rather than leaving back home and leave her with my grandparents to be put down by the vet…
in the 5 years after that (to now) everything has been going kind of downhill at most points. It went uphill when I met my special someone but… He’s not here at the moment and I’m afraid of what *she* will tell me to do next. She mocks me and tells me I’m too weak to cut my wrists, that I’m not allowed to back out now, she won’t leave… She’s been there with me all the time… I don’t know how much longer I can take this.
I am just so tired…
3 comments
Yeah well hey. I am soon to be 20. And it sucks really bad. But hmm I do feel like immortal soul trapped in mortal body? xD Hmm but yeah, somewhere I read that it’s not about the years, it’s about the things you’ve gone trough. Too bad tjey don’t have measurment for that.
Hmm yeah. I remember same myself. But that’s life. You get older, and more responsibility and somehow your naivness about things and your trust disappears. But it’s just part of getting older. I mean hey now you are wiser. You know things you didn’t back then.
Was Sissi dog, cat, what?
But you shouldn’t regret that. If the vet put her down, then usually they vets know when to do that. Not like they do that out of fun I mean.
But you are not weak. And don’t let anyone tell you that.
Sissi was a dog… And vets are wrong!! They almost wanted to put down my other pet, Stefie also a dog, thinking she got a horrible disease which she could die of while she actually just had chocolate posoining and needed to get it out of her system! So, no, vets are not always right and I swear this one was wrong to put Sissi down too!!
no one knows how hard it is till they have been through it,one of the hardest things i ever had to watch,i don’t ever want too again.the heart hurts enough .when u miss an love so much