Today I’ve come to the irrevocable decision. I’m going to go out my way.
I haven’t fired my pistol in 15 years and I’ve cleaned it, oiled it and gotten fresh ammo – nice heavy ugly looking jacketed hollowpoint bullets. I want to test it first to be certain its still in good operating condition. I can’t get to the range before the 27th and probably not until the 30th. If it functions okay I need to strip it down and clean and oil it well again. I plan to jump from a bridge (not the Golden Gate) and shoot myself in the head as I stand on the rail and then make an unconscious swan dive to the river below. I’ve been getting fairly drunk the past 2 nights and I’m already drinking right now before noon today and will keep on drinking through Christmas – hopefully I’ll pass out and sleep through most of it.
I’m going to get shit faced drunk before I go to the bridge – I’ve found a hotel close to it so I won’t have far to drive so I won’t get stopped for drunk driving on the way to the bridge. It’s a fair distance from my home so if I drive out on Friday 1/3 I can hopefully check into the hotel for one night and then get shit faced drunk in the room and drive out to the bridge around 3 AM Saturday morning and finish the job. I used to skydive and I want to go out in a final skydive. I just hope there’s no more snowstorms between me and the bridge between 12/31 and 1/3.
So, I’m at peace, 10 1/2 more days of this worthless life and I can get out and make a statement as I do. No half-hearted or uncertain methods for me. My double method is guaranteed death.
10 comments
If it’s guaranteed why are you telling us then? Sounds like you’re not quite certain of your plans.
I am certain of my plans just took a few days to think it over and realize there’s no help for me. I can’t go to a psych ward as I live alone with no friends or family and my cats would starve, I’d get evicted from my apartment and be homeless. It’s a crying shame in this world that you can’t talk to a mental health professional or even a suicide line without them trying to lock you up.
And don’t ask what would happen to my cats when I check out. I have the means to leave them several days of food and water and I composed my suicide note a week ago. It has instructions for getting in touch with the executor of my will and about there being 2 cats at my apartment and that there’s a sealed envelope in my apartment for my executor about the cats.
So you do want help? Would you want medication, something to take the edge off?
So if you get help your cats will starve but if you off yourself they won’t? If you take the journey they will either die of starvation or the cops with have animal control take them to a shelter where less than 5% of adult abandoned cats are adopted. The other 95% are put down.
And as far as “making a statement”, anyone in your life that you are trying to get back at by killing yourself will either end up feeling sorry for themselves or just rationalizing your actions by labeling you crazy. That’s just how it is.
I’ve been on 1/2 dozen anti-depressants over 3 years and none of them did a damn thing for me. Their meds are all just a theory anyway – there is no blood test to prove an inbalance of brain chemicals. That’s another reason I don’t want to go to a psych ward – they have nothing to help me anyway. My note to my executor has 3 options for cats – give them back to man I got them from, give them to my ex-wife, give them to my vet to find homes for them and as a last resort then they will go to the pound and yes I know that they will likely end up being euthanized. I feel sorry about that but I have no other options since I have no friends or family. I make no accusations and assign no blame in my suicide note – I state that I have freely taken my life of my own free will. I will go to my death hating my father who was bi-polar and ruined my childhood therefore giving me no chance in life.
“…I state I have freely taken my life of my own free will.”
But you don’t have “free will”.
If you have no free will you have nothing. That’s the only thing this cruel world can’t take away from you.
ofcourse he has free will what the fuck are you talking about Eddie? lostandlonely, I wish you find your peace.
Does your vet provide boarding? You could.board the cats,.saying you’re going on vacation. Then when you don’t return, they will find a home for them.