While my mind thinks all day constantly of my hell I can’t escape even at night while I sleep I still haunt myself. This causes me to wake up weaker then when I was born. Scared to death, overwhelming sense of feeling alone, picture clear images of past shit the moment I wake up, fresh as if they just happened. Cold sweat and never wanting to get up again until you have so much energy unless my depression keeps me down the restlessness leaves me no other choice but to wake up. Go threw the day only to eventually pass out again and go threw it again on repeat.
Does anyone else have these issues?
6 comments
Hmmm Sounds like PTSD to me. I read recently btw that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. I suffer from complex PTSD myself…lifelong. You? Have you been diagnosed? Two things work for me…melatonin and psychotherapy(haha)…or weed(oops sorry). The trick is to shut the brain down…the mind never rests. Have you tried any meds for sleep?
Love and Light
Ama
I don’t think PTSD. I mean at this point what the hell do I know but I haven’t suffered threw trauma to the point of it at least not that extreme. I think it’s my OCD. I have obsessive thoughts that wont shut the fuck up. It even gets to the point where I say to myself out loud, SHUT UP. Meds don’t do shit and it doesn’t help that I constantly abuse meds that could do good for me. Also I’m striaght edge so I don’t smoke weed… just gotta love making it worse for myself. I can’t sleep until I’m exuasted and think way too much while I try. Just doesn’t end.
Here’s the thing. I was first put on tranqs when I was 2 years old for night terrors. I have continued to suffer through the decades…until recently. When people think of PTSD they think of survivors of great traumas and vets…but I would say that we all suffer from it in varying degrees. Early childhood traumas are the worst…and also the ones we poo pooh as unimportant. But anything that rocks your beliefs or security is trauma my friend. The suicide of a loved one, a divorce, bullying, a mean babysitter, a near drowning…anything that makes you feel afraid is traumatic. But when in early childhood are brains are not developed enough to deal with this reality yet.
I’m not saying that you have PTSD…well not really…but I find that my “night time” issues are my subconscious’s way of telling me that something needs to be dealt with. I should also say that I have OCD and GAD as well as a history of severe depression.
On a practical note…I found that what I was reading, listening to, watching etc…had a great impact on my sleep issues as well. I had to give up tv and other forms of media for a long time. I only listened to certain genres of music or read certain genres of literature. Gone were the sci-fi fantasy and psychological thrillers !! haha
We know that what we put in our bodies as food affects us…but so does what we put in our minds.
I found relaxation techniques helped…breathing exercises not so much. haha
But I am prone to sensory overload…so for me…the sensory part is key. I have no electronics in the room I sleep in etc. Weird I know…but it works…most of the time.
If it is the OCD…ritual is the only thing outside of therapy that will work. Develop calming rituals at bedtime. You only have to convince yourself that something works…for it to work. That’s the ultimate truth…weed or no weed.
Peace
Ama
Your thoughts are appreciated. I will keep all this in mind as I search more on the truth.
I was never diagnosed with PTSD but they told me I have borderline personality disorder. As they did to 50 percent of the patients who were in the hospital. In the end, I was left thinking, is that really what I have? Sure I have taken some risks, done some pretty stupid things but I’m young and I considered them as pretty normal. My diagnosis left me with more questions than answers. I have had some trauma in my life but I honestly am most of the time too afraid to even talk about it
No problem…just thought I could save you some agony is all. Nightmares, difficulty sleeping, hyperarousal…common symptoms of PTSD. But then if you are interested in checking it out…you will. No need for me to try and shove it down your throat. hahaha
Heck it took me 5 decades to be “properly” diagnosed myself.
Good Luck
Peace
Ama