I just want to tell them. I want to tell my parents that I’m not ok. That I self harm. That I’m always bored. That I feel worthless. That I’m just not fucking happy. But I don’t know whether I should or not. Should I wait and tell my counselor first? The next time I see her though is in 4 weeks. Should I just tell them like right now? I’m going to make them so upset. I’m going to ruin everything, it’ll be all my fault. But I can’t handle this everyday. I can’t handle laying in bed all day doing nothing because I’m not bothered to do anything because I just don’t see the point. I can’t handle feeling so bored I literally want to stab myself and get it over with. I can’t stand being so miserable and having nowhere to go or anyone to talk to. I cant handle being so trapped. So what do I do? Do I continue this way or do I ruin everyones life because of my selfishness? I just dont know.Â
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I’m in the very same place as you are. I have no advice, simply because I have the same question. But I can offer support. Here to talk if you want.
I feel exactly the same, i have kept it all inside and lied to my parents and to those i love. But its only because i felt that i had to make them believe i could keep up with the expectations. But the thing is there really isn’t anything i want to do and i dont have the confidence to try going in a different way. Can you relate to this?
I would suggest talking to them. They are your parents and I’m sure they will take strong interest into something that is bothering their child. If possible, and if you have one, talk to a close sibling and get them to help you talk to your parents. You should never be ashamed to admit your sick, and you will not ruin anything, its no one’s fault they get sick sometimes. We all need help sometimes.
@kissnm10 and @CaKe I can relate to both of you. I just want to be normal again but I can’t find the courage to say it. I’m just so ashamed of myself I guess. I can’t live up to people expectations and I also lie so they think I can. I’ve told my mother I’ve been studying every day when I’ve been laying in bed miserable the past two weeks. I hate it. I’m so over it.
@TheKoji I really want to talk to them. But there are many factors that are stopping me. Firstly because I know the lack of understanding they have in this subject. I mean a few days ago the topic of self harm and suicide was brought up and they were saying how these people are “spastics” so I don’t think they’d understand. Also, we’re going on a holiday next week and I feel if I tell them I’ll ruin our experience and our time because they’ll be looking after me 24/7 and I feel it would be awkward. I’ve told my sister I was depressed before but she told me it was just a phase. Now I realize it’s not just a phase. I need help. But I can’t find the strength to go and get it.
You said you’re seeing a counselor? Would you be able to see her any sooner than four weeks? I mean, I would love to tell you it would be easy to open up, but it would be damn hard. I imagine it would be for the best though, regardless of the outcome, simply because you wouldn’t have the pressure of lying anymore. But I don’t want to be a hypocrite, because I can’t seem to tell my parents either. But if you need help, then I think you should do anything you can to get it, because you’re still willing to try. If you let it go long enough, you lose the will to fight it, and I don’t want to see you give up entirely. You think you have no strength, but something in you wants to find a way out, and that, in my opinion, points to strength. You can do it. They may not understand–nobody who doesn’t experience it can really comprehend it–but maybe they’ll surprise you. There have been people in my life who’ve really surprised me.
I understand your in a fragile situation. I also relate to you that people seem to not truly grasp the concept or understand depression or mental illness. It’s almost they fear it out of ignorance and feel the need to negate it and stigmatize it as something “horrible and weak”. But understand your not horrible nor weak, you just need help. Do you feel your counselor will be able to help you? Do you have negative thoughts for your family holiday? Sorry for the questions I just want to make sure you will be OK if you do plan on waiting for your counselor. Your more than welcome to talk to me if you need to OK. But understand that you do posses the strength, to get better. Your aware that you need help and that usually is the first big step. Now we just have to find the right resources to get you that help you need.
has it only been 2 weeks? you can apologize and tell them that its not working out and you need change your path, if you end up telling them its better to say something that will sound more reasonable to them. Its been 2 years now and i regret not doing that when i could. I hope you do the right thing.
I can’t see my counselor sooner because I’m on school holidays. And yes, I’m
not looking forward to this stupid 2 week holiday. And it’s been like 3 months since I’ve been feeling this and even more but I started self harming 2 months ago. @CaKe I meant I’ve been miserable the past two weeks because I’m
now on a break from school for two months and the last two weeks I’ve been home alone doing nothing but laying in bed. Sorry I didn’t make it clear. I’ve always been sad though. But not like this. My whole life I’ve been battling emotions of being happy and sad many times in like an hour. Its making sense to me now, that Ive kind of always been this way. When I was little I used to cry all the time over nothing, during my early teen years the same and now I’ve hit rock bottom. It could be worse, though. Im noticing that I’m getting even worse now and I’m aware of the consequences that will follow. I’m so scared.
iv always wanted to get away though, work part time in secret, keep some money and when i have enough, just disappear, go somewhere faraway and start over a new page that isn’t based on lies… But i never had the confidence to… What about you?
Oh by the way by school did you mean college or?
Original post: Look…..you have to at least let someone help you…a lot of the things you mentioned can be fixed with time if you take corrective actions…but the thing is….are you ready to take those steps?….they are not easy…it won’t come overnight and I’m not going to bullshit you and tell you I KNOW things will get better….I don’t…but if you take the steps to correct some of your problems then many of them would vanish….
If your parents don’t understand? …fine…do not get frustrated trying to tell them you’re depressed …just talk to your counselor and have them explain how depression works and what it is….what are they going to do argue with a paid professional? …they can’t be that dumb….well they can….but Lets just hope they aren’t…I know how to swim but only a fool would argue with a fish about who is the better swimmer….
Just try and get through the holidays… Don’t tell them now….just wait until you tell your counselor to help you tell them…and don’t tell the counselor you are suicidal and if she ever suggest any meds at all…reject them until you research them a bit…read about the side effects read the reviews about it…find out if it was involved in any controversy…just discover whatever you can about them don’t just take them…
You said you don’t have anywhere to go or anybody to talk to…well why not? Are you restricted to the house? You don’t have any friends? …if not…what’s stopping you from making them?…what about your sister? Are you guys close or what?… No cousins?… Is there anybody close to you? I’m sure someone out there would enjoy your company and like going places with you and love talking to you…somebody would…
I did it. I told my mum. I could never say it in words so I drew a picture book and she soon got the message. Then she told my dad and sister, now my whole family knows. They’re not angry with me, but they’re upset that this has happened and it’s hurting me a lot because they all seem upset now. The whole house is just one big room of misery and I know it my fault. My mums taken all my tools and we’re taking it step by step I guess. I hope everything gets better. I couldn’t stand one more night like that. Not telling anyone. But I did it.