MY mind is so hauntingly terrible at night, nightmares of death and chaos, I’m too afraid to sleep because my mind attacks me and I wake up every night brought almost to tears by the death I see every night, mostly my own of course but sometimes of others of whom I don’t know. I would rather die the deaths in my nightmares than see them anymore, they’re already killing me.
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I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had these automatic thoughts since a child. They come at complete random and no matter how much I fight them head on they always scare the hell out of me. Always at night too. Sometimes the thoughts come with a slow motion feeling. Sometimes they come with a fast pace feeling. Death scares me when I don’t want it. When I want it and it becomes a relief feeling is when they dissapear but this only substitutes for other horrors that haunt me. A never ending battle.
Sorry to post again but to answer your question, maybe you have OCD. (Obsessive thoughts) That’s what I think my problem is with my mind.
I acknowledge that this sounds like a horrible nightmare existence. I wish I had an answer for you.