My parents put so much pressure on me to strive for success. I get about 5 texts a day from my stepmother to apply for jobs that will “help me with my future”, none of which I even want. When in the car on my way back to uni the other day, my dad said that if my sister and I don’t get out and make “connections” and “try harder” that we will fail in life. They just want me to work and “get involved” 24/7. Plus they expect me to be happy. No one knows that I spend about an hour a day looking up easy ways to kill myself if things don’t get better. I’m scared of the future. Hell, I don’t even want this future. I just want to self destruct because whichever way I’m being pushed to my my parents, is not the way I want to live. Maybe if I wasn’t pushed so hard, I would actually want to live. Most days I don’t even want to get out of bed at all, and I always find it miraculous that I do.
On top of that, lately I’ve been having problems finding things in front of me, and when I lose these things, I feel a dull, numbing feeling that replaces the panic. I have a hard time noticing things in general lately, which is probably why I am losing things.
Sorry for rambling about nothing, I just don’t really have anyone I can talk to. Even though my problems can’t begin to compare to the problems that you guys face, I feel like this is a group that can make me feel like I’m not alone.
3 comments
What’s for sure is that you’re not alone
Does your university have counseling services? Perhaps it’s a good idea to speak to someone and get a few things off your mind… and, at the same time, possibly receive some strategies. You’re definitely not alone… and you’re not the only uni student to experience significant stress.
The distractions and forgetfulness are often a side-product of enhanced stress. I know all about forgetting where I put something only minutes before. Your mind isn’t remembering things because there is a lot going on.
This might be difficult when you’re feeling this bad, but what life can you imagine for yourself that you might actually want to live, and even enjoy?