Tired of waiting for something I don’t know what it is.
Tired of all these stupid pleasures.
I’m fucking tired of feelings. I wish I could be someone who is always lovely. I wish I could be someone who can always hate. I wish I was a machine. Or a cockroach waiting to be killed.
I won’t go again to some fucking stupid doctor. I’m tired of them too. If it’s all about pills I can make a fake recipe and get some. That’s not the problem.
I don’t want to get NUMB. But everything seems like that. Just numbing and numbing again and again and again.
Wish I was stupid. Yet I’m proud of not being.
Wish I was happy. Yet I’m proud of not being stupidly happy like most of everyone else.
It’s also so fucking stupid to me that all of this shit is just a chemical unbalance in my brain. Even if it’s really that. This make this even more stupid.
For me there ain’t no different between serotonin and cocaine. Both make me happy. And it’s just some fucking chemicals.
Why can’t I love my family like a normal person? Why can’t I love anyone like a normal person?
It seems that behind every feeling of mine there is others, which are conflictants between themselves. Stupid things make me cry. Â Things that should make me happy often make want to cry, or make me feel pity.
Why can’t I feel like a normal person, why do my feelings has to be this fucking mess?
OH FUCK!
Here I am again: drowning into these eternal shitty thoughts.
But relax dude! It’s just temporary. Haha. Yeah, right. Every fucking thing is fucking temporary and don’t last more than one second. Or a moment. Whatever.