I’m beginning to scare myself

It’s normal to have crushes and attractions to other people right? I know it’s alright, but I’m beginning to grow worried. A week or so ago I went out with a few of my friends, and my crush was there. He’s sweet, a bit shy but still very fun to be with. As they walked me to the bus stop his friends began asking him why he hadn’t asked me out yet (they all knew, even him). It all made me fairly uncomfortable so I chose to ignore it all. Every now and then before that I found myself thinking that he was MY reason to live. I’m diagnosed with severe depression, though I dislike admitting that to myself, and thinking about him helps me go on with my life. He’s my stability. After we hung out I began to ponder the thought of him not liking me back, which I thought was very likely. I began to think about how life would be without him. I’m terrified, I starting to become obsessed with this boy. It isn’t right, he had his own life and I’m not his first priority, but I’m starting go back to cutting and my way of thinking is becoming hazy. I don’t want to let go, I know I have to, I just liked him because he kept me sane, but my body won’t let me. My mind doesn’t want to forget him.