I got married about 22 years ago. Since day one I looked after my wife with love and affection. I am 5’11” and she is just under 5′. I have suffered all thru’ my life due to uncaring siblings and parents. Thus when i got married I took liking to this girl that played a perfect game to get me married to her. Once after marriage, her games began almost as soon as the marriage was over. She back stabbed me all the time, with her brother … mis-informing him and showing her self off as an angel. We meet relatives, she could not control herself. She never had any close friends and neither does she now. She is not interested in anything …. no hobbies, no interests, no likings, no hopes … nothing. She is more like any animal that eats, sleeps and shits.
Initially I thought this would change as she came from a tough family and having seen bad things, she will soon realize her mistake and my honesty towards her, my love, my aspiration for a happy family … no that did not change. I am from old school … did not believe in divorce. Thought having children might change her. No, not really.
I am originally from India. After coming to America I thought educating her might change her attitude towards me. For more than 12 years I supported her and encouraged her to become a Neuro-Muscular Specialist. All my sacrifices again have gone in vain. Now my kids are 18 and 14, boy and girl … I love them as long as I have my last breath and will love them from beyond too.
Now that she has become independent and as before travel and work hard for living, she has poisoned my kids against me. I had no clue this was happening as she would play perfect game .. when I am back she would behave sweet. I thought at last she has changed. Little did I know her devious and thankless mind.
It was April 26th 2013 when my son came back from school things started happening. He would not keep his hair straight and I was upset that he does not listen, I just gave a small tap on back of his head (Litterally a tap) and said that he needs to pay attention to himself. All it took was that. Time was around 5:00 PM, he went up and did not say a word. By 6:30PM my wife came back from work and started shouting at me, saying why did I hit him. I was upset and angry and I told he is my son too and I can discipline if I see fit. She would not listen to reason and started hitting me. When I reacted, she shouted at the top of her voice and instructed my son to call police. I thought this was just a rant.
But my son did call the police unknowing to us, that we continued to have a verbal spar. Police came to the front door and by then, she was in master and me in family room on the other side of our home. To my surprize, as she came out to see who was at door, she was bleeding from the fore head !!. Police immediately arrested me for assault and took me in. In the meantime, my son and daughter also apparently spoke to police and complained reg. ill-treatment !!. So now I had 3 cases of abuse and neglect heaped against me.
Later after spending overnight in jail, I had to see a judge … I was instructed to post a $7500 bail. Everyone inside had told me that this being my first ever offense, I will probably need to pay max like $1500 bail and will be out soon. But to my amazement judge did not even give me a chance to speak to him for appealing the decision. Later my attorney threatened me of die consequences as my wife and children had really piled on bunch of complaints. He said I could be hanged for the issues !!!. I felt really bad as though my heart had been shattered into a 1000 pieces. I remember that I felt so sick and dizzy, I fell down … could not stay standing.
Now my miseries are multiplying day by day. Every time I hear from court it is more money and money, I hear from my attorney … money and money. I am not a doctor, I am a mechanical engineer and do not make so much money as my wife does. But they think we are rich and can pay. I have no intention of taking a dime from her. But court and attorneys do not care.
Cases are still going on and gets bigger every day from lies and lies and lies. I am out on bail, with a restraint order which means I cannot even see my kids, hug them nor give them hope that everything will be alright.
I feel desperate every day and am growing more and more anxious. I have head aches, developed high blood pressure and had a heart attack. Still there has been no justice for me. She still harbors hatred for me !!!! What I cannot understand is that only crime of mine was getting married hoping for a happy married life and a loving family where all can thrive. Have an ideal family to prove to the world that all the negativity aside one that is committed to succeed can do so. But it is never to be for me.
Now costs are increasing. I escaped in the nick of time to another country. But being away from my kids drives me crazy. But I cannot go back as I will get arrested. Once I go back with all these cases against me, I cannot even get a job. Unemployed men are really looked down upon by the courts and judges. I am screwed and my life is destroyed.
Several times I have tried to commit suicide. I have a rope with hangman knot that I have kept since 6 months. I did tie it on to the fan in my apartment and came close to being done. But my children’s face kept creeping up on me and I could not go through with it. Since then I have tried many times to end my life … but I am such a weak, hopeless chicken that I have not been able to pull it off. I cannot believe myself for this inability. I curse myself everyday, live like a hermit … My selfish family … does not even care even when i am staying in the same city. While that is not a surprize, it is hurtful.
Now I know … it is only a question of time when I will be out of this misery. That time is drawing near day by day. I have shot off one last email to my attorney. If court keeps charging me more and more, they have done it for the last time. All they will get is my dead body. Hope this last reply from my lawyer will be positive one for it will end up playing most crucial role … Survival itself.
8 comments
I am so sorry that you think of suicide. Why does the court pursue you? I assume you are divorced and owe no money because your children are grown?
I intuit that you have carried your intentions with you from your former home, and that they have not worked out well. You must allow your children and your wife the same freedom and respect that you want from them.
This has to be difficult for you. I hope you can find your own way toward a peaceful heart and life.
Hey dont give up. Give life a chance. Forget your circumstances. THis experience will break you or make you.
We have a LOT to talk about……
I am in the same situation.
Please, do email me:
FLwaterguy99(at) gmail (dot) com.
Vedure and Misha:
As I have clearly written, my wife has made allegations that are not true. As I was traveling always, I was not aware of her mind set nor her plans. I was taken totally blind.
What more freedom than supporting whatever she wanted to do (for 12 years) is needed here? Nor I have not given. I worked hard like a donkey and supported the family and continue to so support. If this is not enough, I do not what is.
I do not owe money. What about the hard earned money I put into buying home that I cannot enter now? What about all the love and affection that has gone astray?
Look, I appreciate your reply. I am not looking for anyone’s approval of my position. I would urge you to put yourself in my position and see what you would have done before saying things like you guys did.
Badguy and Donki:
I truly appreciate your replies and encouragement. As soon as I say wife, I am up in arms with feminism. It is like women cannot do anything wrong. It is always has to be the man.
Which guy would stick for 22 years of ill treatment if he was not committed to the family? If my wife had any grouse she could have expressed the same. We could have sought marriage counselor help, which I have suggested many times. She told me that she is not crazy and does not need that !!. She cannot think that two people can have differences that can be helped by someone impartial. She has done many things and still I stayed put.
Feminism should not mean as soon as they see a man, they should be up in arms. Immediately conclude that man has to be wrong !!.
Max.
I think you misunderstood what I said. I implied that your wife is a psychopath. If this is a case, then there is nothing you can do but try to find your inner peace. Always be there for your children, always be calm. They need to start feeling safe with you so that they start realizing that their mom has been brainwashing them. They will grow up and they will understand, trust me. I totally get what you say, I really understand how unfair this has been to you. I admire people like you who are selfless enough to support a woman for so many years so that she realizes her dreams. You have been backstabbed my friend because you are a romantic. You however must not give up because the world needs people like you.
the image you posted is not the definition of cowardice, but rather of evil
Misha,
I am sorry I misunderstood you.
I hope I can explain everything that has happened. I came to US first and then after marriage, she came with me. Once she came to US, she was missing her folks and would cry all day. It took her all of 6 months to get little control. In all this time, she would not even come near me. I felt bad for her and put up with that. All my folks and her folks are back home and there is no one else for us here in US. Thus coaching her fell on my hands. I decided that I needed to encourage her and give her assurance that she is loved and that in the end she would embrace me as my wife.
Well, any way, what you have suggested makes a lot of sense. I just hope I can hold off that long when kids will be able to understand and reciprocate.
I will live day to day .. which is a terrible existence for anyone. I do not wish this to my enemy.