What is wrong with me?

I haven’t left the house in over a month (not that i haven’t gone outside at all, just not off the premises).

If you need to “go out,” then i recommend doing various hygiene maintenance routines immediately prior, or the night before (make sure your bedding is clean, if you plan to sleep after showering, prior to venturing into public).

But honestly, it’s not hard to go get food and get back home without having any meaningful encounters with anyone. Try to relax, get where you’re going, go right to the thing you need, go straight to checkout, and back home. This is what i almost always do, and it’s very easy to not have to “deal with people” while i’m out. And when you do encounter someone who speaks (cashier, etc.), simply smile and nod, and be superficially polite, and don’t carry the conversation further than it has to go.

For me, it’s often almost as if no one else exists… like the 1-2 people i do encounter, are merely lifelike imitations of humans, meant to make me more comfortable than i would be in dealing with robots (even though i probably wouldn’t mind dealing with robots, as long as they functioned as expected/desired). I know they’re real people… but they rarely have anything to say beyond what their job requires. And when they do, it’s inconsequential.

So, don’t worry about it. Get cleaned up and go get your supplies. It’ll pass quickly, you’ll be back home with food in no time.

And then you can sit and reflect on how difficult it has become for you to even go out in public, while also feeling a bit better about yourself for successfully confronting and navigating that difficulty.