everything is the same

Looking around at friend’s and family I see a cycle, one I don’t want it makes me depressed. Everyone grows up and lives in cookie cutter homes has kids and slaps on a smile. I don’t want that, I don’t want to get sucked into society’s vortex. I want to be a nurse and work all the time. I feel like since i’m girl my family has the same expectations, grow up, get married, kids. I just want my cat and me, and to help people. I don’t want anyone’s expectations. I feel like i’m a burden to my boyfriend, a disappointment to my family. I feel so worthless, I haven’t been in such a dark place since 8th grade and before. Im now in college, I should have killed myself before I let this get out of hand. At least then in 8th grade I was a lotttt skinner, I look at myself everyday and think what a fat piece of lard. Im only 147 lbs, but I want to feel good I was once skinny. Maybe now that im falling back to where I was I’ll just be depressed and lose weight, or maybe I can forget all my stupid worries and die. Because my life isn’t worth anything it never has been and never will be.