I don’t mean it as literal help, cause no one can with this vicious circle I’m in.
I have a vengeful controlling father who is depriving me of education because of my constant scuffle with him. At age 25 he still tells me “when I ask you to eat, you eat; when I ask you to sit, you sit”.
I stooped very low to apologise to him, and I feel disgusted in the gut for having to do that. He is taking out his anger against me on my education.
He has driven me to suicide before, as in a real attempt. There will come a time when I’ll stop playing the victim.
I have a lot of issues with controlling parents too. I’m here. No matter how old you are you feel like a helpless child. People that control you like that are usually the most selfish, insecure, out of control people themselves. They are also very conniving and though people would tell you to ‘leave,’ they spend their time devising a plan to make you dependent so that you can’t get away. I understand. I’m here.
Sorry to hear this “filthy soul”, which you are not. It’s impossible for you or any soul to be anything but pure. So, while the name filthy soul sounds cool, it’s not accurate.
Ya, it sounds like your father is acting out his insanity and projecting it on you. Your job is to not accept what he’s giving you. If someone hands you a red hot coal and you don’t take it, then whose hand gets burned?
Hang in. We’re on your side…rooting for you…
Thank you for being “there”, we are almost in the same shoes. I realised his controlling manners after I mentally withdrew from being part of his family. I had it the worst, not sure if being the elder child has anything to do with it. He would threaten me by depriving my education (one day yes, one day NO) and if that wasn’t enough to break my spirit– he would get physical or throw things at me.
But there’s nothing that I haven’t cried out to people already. So much so that most church people grew SICK of the same old shit.
Even I would, I am. It’s yucky, it’s ugly. But I can’t seem to get out of it.
7 comments
We’re here.
The thing that’s cool about this site is that people here can sympathise which makes us care. Even if we wouldn’t otherwise want to.
I get the feeling of suffocation. Really, I do.
You asked for help, what help do you need?
Thank you for responding, bullfrog.
I don’t mean it as literal help, cause no one can with this vicious circle I’m in.
I have a vengeful controlling father who is depriving me of education because of my constant scuffle with him. At age 25 he still tells me “when I ask you to eat, you eat; when I ask you to sit, you sit”.
I stooped very low to apologise to him, and I feel disgusted in the gut for having to do that. He is taking out his anger against me on my education.
He has driven me to suicide before, as in a real attempt. There will come a time when I’ll stop playing the victim.
I have a lot of issues with controlling parents too. I’m here. No matter how old you are you feel like a helpless child. People that control you like that are usually the most selfish, insecure, out of control people themselves. They are also very conniving and though people would tell you to ‘leave,’ they spend their time devising a plan to make you dependent so that you can’t get away. I understand. I’m here.
Sorry to hear this “filthy soul”, which you are not. It’s impossible for you or any soul to be anything but pure. So, while the name filthy soul sounds cool, it’s not accurate.
Ya, it sounds like your father is acting out his insanity and projecting it on you. Your job is to not accept what he’s giving you. If someone hands you a red hot coal and you don’t take it, then whose hand gets burned?
Hang in. We’re on your side…rooting for you…
@Randall
I’ve been meaning to connect with you in private since you left a long comment on one of my posts the last time.
Here’s my email : filthysoul6@gmail.com
I remember you saying that you are in your early 60s. Do you have children of your own?
Can’t you move?
@smartgirl
Thank you for being “there”, we are almost in the same shoes. I realised his controlling manners after I mentally withdrew from being part of his family. I had it the worst, not sure if being the elder child has anything to do with it. He would threaten me by depriving my education (one day yes, one day NO) and if that wasn’t enough to break my spirit– he would get physical or throw things at me.
But there’s nothing that I haven’t cried out to people already. So much so that most church people grew SICK of the same old shit.
Even I would, I am. It’s yucky, it’s ugly. But I can’t seem to get out of it.