some kind of support, I hope.

i made a post to my FB a while ago. I’m sharing it here now because i think it’s a means of motivation in some way.

“it’s time I just come out and say the obvious for those who may or may not have gotten the hint just yet.

I’m battling orthorexia. with anorexic tendencies.

I weigh, as of last .. maybe two weeks ago (the bathroom scale has been relocated and its probably for the best.) a solid 100 pounds.
I promise you that has gone down and I just dont know the exact number now.

one hundred pounds.
my problem is finding balance.
and this week, I have been preparing for the last day of february: for the purple project: eating disorder awareness month. friday, I will be shutting off my calorie counter for the day and focus on being happy than tethered to a disorder i further each and every day.

I have been dying since my last few months in florida.
I am so, SO sorry for this. I never meant for it to go this far.
I’m on the path to recovery. It’s hard some days. but I promise you.

I’m going to make it.

I will triumph.”

“The next morning, the bathroom scale was back i saw it and said out loud: “I am not afraid of you I’m staying away from you because you started this disease in my head I am not a slave to any number you brand me” through out the day, I was closer to my calorie goal than I’d been in the past almost 4 months. This morning, I shut off my calorie counter app, ate when i felt my body needed life and did not worry about any calorie information at all

Today marks the first day of my escape from the scale

I wear the purple on my lips as symbolism of strength from food; when i eat, I am restoring life to my body I wear the sunglasses (much like the blindfold in my last post) as symbolism for turning a blind eye to the scale; like the bright glare from the sun in your eyes as you try to walk down the street, it is a nuisance and unwelcome I put my lipstick and sunglasses on and raise my fist with pride, power, strength and triumph.

I triumphed the lie.
I triumphed anorexia.”

**this is a work in progress; overcoming the disorder is a struggle. but I’m not going to give up my life for a number. I will not be branded by a bathroom scale.**