I last posted in February, and I haven’t really been active since then, just trying to get better I suppose. In my previous post, I shared with you all about my suicide attempt with bleach. It was a terrible decision on my part and I regret it deeply now. Looking at all the pain it caused for the ones I loved, it was honestly one of the worse things I have done.
But now I am getting better. I had posted before about how I was losing my emotions and how I couldn’t cry anymore. Now I can shed tears, which I have now used as an alternative to cutting or taking pills. Things aren’t great, but I am slowly getting my emotions back.
I still get multiple panic attacks and my social anxiety levels haven’t improved. But I am trying to get out more and socializing, despite my tension.
I told my family about my depression and anxiety, and  they fully support me. I go to church now and I’m going to get a counselor .
Things are looking up for me and I’m here to say that things can get better. I know, ‘It gets better’ is a phrase repeated so often for suicidal folks that they don’t even register it. But I’m here as someone who has been through hell and now I’m slowly climbing out of the hole that depression dug for me. It took a near-success suicidal attempt and the death of a close relative for me to get back on my feet. I’m not cured, and honestly I don’t expect to be. Diseases like this never go away really, but its how you choose to manage it that will ultimately seal your fate. I still have bad days, where depression takes control and I feel like hiding in my hole. And I still haven’t gotten to a point to where I can fill my hole of depression back up. But I am hopeful that one day I might be able to. I love everyone on this website, your comments uplifted my spirits when I was at my lowest points. Thank you all for being such an understanding community. I love you all, and I hope that one day each of  you will have your thoughts of suicide lifted and that each of you has a loving and fulfilled life. Good luck , I believe in you.
2 comments
Well done, I’m happy for you.
I reached the end of your post and almost…just *almost* shed a copious amount of tears, but don’t fear, I shed some anyway. I really should keep this post for future reference to inspire some confidence within myself to wait out and see if it really does “get better.”
In any event, thank you for your oh so kind words and I wish you the very best for the near future and with the rest of your life. Happy trails 🙂
Hey great job in mustering the effort to fight this horrible disorder. It has left me completely crushed and isolated. All my efforts to free myself from social anxiety have been in vain. While I have been able to reduce my anxiety levels during social encounters I am now left to cope with extremely underdeveloped social skills . I struggle immensely with trying to hold conversations because I cannot effectively translate my thoughts into words. Sometimes I am completely incoherent other times I feel burdened by the effort I need to put in organizing and rehearsing my thoughts so I don’t come across like a babbling idiot.
I agree with you that managing the disorder and accepting it as something that will define you for the rest of your life is central to the coping process. Unfortunately for me I can’t come to terms with such a reality. Probably because I’m innately very social. I just cannot manage it and this is precisely why this disorder is going to ultimately kill me. It’s only a matter of a few months now after struggling with loneliness for decades.. Gl to you man.