what bothers me is that there are so many people in the world. so many people are depressed. so many people cut. so many people have lost someone they love. so many people have attempted suicide. so many people have gone through with it. so what makes me any different? Â if I killed myself tonight, why would it matter? I’m one of many so it wouldn’t cause any damage. the world wouldn’t stop so why dont I just do it? how much damage will really be done? not much. the thing is, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t go through with it. I’m scared of what will happen if i wake up in a hospital bed. I’m scared of being too weak to just pull the trigger or cut too deep.
but one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.
6 comments
You say why would it matter?how much damage would really be done? The answer is so vast and so enormous, you can’t possibly believe how much damage your death would cause. I spent at least two years seriously trying to think of a way I could kill myself without it hurting my family. It was impossible. I knew the pain of losing my son to suicide and that pain is something, which never goes away. So whatever you are feeling or contemplating, I would seriously ask you to take a short while and ask yourself if your family and friends deserve that lifetime of pain they will suffer if you give up on yourself. I understand how pointless you feel, but I promise you, your life means something. Just because you don’t know what that is or you don’t care right now, doesn’t change the fact that your life is for a reason. You might never know what that is for a very long time, but whether it’s simply helping a friend one day or doing something life changing, you matter. Your being matters. You’re right there is a whole world happening around you, but somehow you have a purpose in it, and just because you don’t get it right now is ok, trust it anyhow.
Hey Katelynn,
You had mentioned in one of your messages to me about your friend not reading your post on here. It made me feel guilty for not knowing what is going on with you. When you first replied to my post I didn’t really give thought to who you were or what you were going through. I was just focused on myself. You seemed so intelligent and together so I didn’t think anything could be going on with you. Obviously I now know that’s not the case. You are on here because you need help too. I want to help you. As much as I can any way, seeing as how I’m in a bad place too. The reason I am telling you this here on your post is because I discovered today that you can see someone’s email when they reply to your post. I would never email you with your consent but I’m speaking to you on your post to say I give you my permission to email me. If you are in a bad way, like it sounds like you are tonight, and need a quicker response from me than you would get on here or just need to tell me something you don’t want the whole world to see, then feel free to email me. If you would please, respond to me somewhere as soon as you read this so I will know you read it. Now I am going to read the rest of your post. 🙂 Be strong!!!
Katelynn….did you get the other message I left you on your post?
Hey Katelynn, I need to hear from you!
Sorry I didn’t reply! I don’t check this post anymore(: but I’ve seen it now and I really appreciate everything. Im just really glad you’re okay. Honestly, I don’t know how to find your email on here but you can definitely email me. Except I don’t use the one I put on here. The one I use is oliviakm@mail.com . I hope you see this and get the chance to email me. Much love! x
How are you today? Did you get my email???