That small glimpse of hope is what’s keeping me here,although as the days pass,it gets smaller and smaller by the second.I know my days are counted here,just a matter of when in the next few weeks I’ll completely lose hope and kill myself
Also,the fact that it is hard as fuck to get a gun here in Canada.If I lived in a place where guns were easy to get,I wouldn’t be here typing this message right now..
Honestly, it’s probably pretty hard in the US, to get a gun, too, especially if you have a disability. I’m asked all the time how I “do stuff” when I can’t see, so I can just imagine what would arise if I tried to get a gun…
I admit it is partially fear. But fear is a broad subject. Fear of what? Well I fear leaving others in a bad position mainly. I don’t fear dying. I don’t fear the splitting pain that might come with dying. I fear I will leave a disconcerted imprint, that may have an effect on others.
Faith. Another broad subject. It depends. I have never had faith in myself. I never had willpower or anything like that. I’ve lied and told myself I’ve had, but in truth, I can only Fail Myself. Put in capitols. I can’t rely on myself, I don’t have resources from myself. What I do have faith in is others. That others can definitely carry on just fine without me. And that gives me a content feeling.
For lack of energy, not so much. I have energy. This also ties in with resources. I don’t have the resources to use all the energy I have.
@Greenz, I don’t think it’s hard to get a gun in the U.S. I know this household has purchased at least four in the last year with no problems. Just a little paperwork. It might be different with somebody for disabilities, but I do not know. It’s just if you want to carry around a gun in public, you have to get a ‘concealed carry permit’.
This is such a bloody good question – and an important one. My reasons are mulitfarious, but it’s mainly because I accept and understand that everything is temporary, and like fellow antinatalist, Jim Crawford, I’ve never fallen so low that it’s come to that. But I know how to do it painlessly, if I ever feel the need… and that gives me the greatest comfort… knowing that There IS an EXIT.
When it comes right down to it, i want to do something, which requires being alive. The odds are terrible, and i’m inclined to assume i can’t do any of what makes existence worth enduring… but there is no alternative. I can either kill myself, or die trying (to do what i think is impossible).
There’s also the issue of procrastination. I still have access to a few things that occupy my mind and compel me to persist, even though those few things are entirely insufficient, and do not contribute anything significant to any of my worthwhile goals. I can do what doesn’t work, or nothing. So it shouldn’t be surprising that i often opt for nothing, since i hate the idea that nothing i can access can generate any progress toward anything i would want to live for.
As far as i can deduce, according to the information and observations i can access, this is all we ever get… but if someone were able to convince me that there is an “after,” of any kind, i would immediately move on, into it, because my current state of being is already ruined. I would gladly shed all i’ve ever known, in exchange for a brand new one. It’s statistically impossible for whatever might be next, to be identical to this one… so while there’s a chance it could end up worse, there’s also a chance it could be better, which my current iteration sorely lacks. I have no chance to be better enough, despite all that isn’t wrong. My current (and likely only) manifestation has no room to grow into anything worth being. Maybe the next one would. But i would have to believe there is a next one, in order for that to become a viable choice… and there isn’t anything i’ve ever encountered which would cause me to believe that is anything more than wishful thinking.
“Fallout 4 – Now available on Xbox One, PlayStation 4 and Windows PC”
BETH PLZ.
Also:
The hopes of someday achieving inner peace with my soul, which is a tough ask since my soul is a biartch to work with, let alone live with. Either that or defect to the U.S. and join your fellas Marine Corps. If they poach former Kiwi soldiers that is… Seeing their intimidated by our “individual command > micro management” logic. Amongst other things that is.
@TMS: i think bethesda is gonna be busy dealing with Fallout: TESO, for a while. 😛 (or more specifically, the ensuing “fallout” from all the spoiled, whiny, entitled gamers who will likely ruin the ESO venture, published by bethesda, developed by zenimax… and it’s possible that bethesda might take a hard enough revenue hit to slow down development on other IPs, like the Fallout series…)
A few reasons: fear of punishment/hell in the next world for suicide, not wanting to hurt the one friend/person who matters to me (even though he’s hundreds of miles away with his own family), not wanting the people who hurt me to “win”, to give them what they’d want, foolish stupid hope that things might get better.
It’s fascinating to see the different reasons why all have found some way to stick around.
I think for me, I always have this hope that things will get tremendously better in the future. But then I wonder if I’m setting myself up for disappointment.
I’ve had some great moments here and there in my life. I’d like to have more moments like those and also try to top them to create even greater moments.
The biggest question I ask myself is, “Are things ever going to get better?”
well first u preheat the oven to 425° and when its preheated u put the pizza in for 15 minutes. u then take it out and then put on 2 packs of shredded cheese and there u have an awesome fucking pizza 😀
Lacking resources to leave. I don’t want to risk a “maybe it’ll work” suicide attempt. I want something effective, a gun or an enormous fall. The only effective resource I have would be self immolation (self burning) which is too painful to contemplate.
I also believe that supernatural forces ultimately are blocking my way to suicide because at every turn I have been blocked from a desired death. I believe these are malevolent supernatural forces that take advantage of me and others for their own ends. Leaving me a puppet on somebody else’s string, trying to cut the strings somehow.
The thought that if I jump and die I’ll just come back and do it again! And again! And again! I’m here now let me see if I can stick around long enough to go beyond this suicide urge so I won’t have to do it again.
20 comments
The fact that I have no clue how to tie a noose is basically the only thing keeping me here.
That small glimpse of hope is what’s keeping me here,although as the days pass,it gets smaller and smaller by the second.I know my days are counted here,just a matter of when in the next few weeks I’ll completely lose hope and kill myself
Also,the fact that it is hard as fuck to get a gun here in Canada.If I lived in a place where guns were easy to get,I wouldn’t be here typing this message right now..
Honestly, it’s probably pretty hard in the US, to get a gun, too, especially if you have a disability. I’m asked all the time how I “do stuff” when I can’t see, so I can just imagine what would arise if I tried to get a gun…
I admit it is partially fear. But fear is a broad subject. Fear of what? Well I fear leaving others in a bad position mainly. I don’t fear dying. I don’t fear the splitting pain that might come with dying. I fear I will leave a disconcerted imprint, that may have an effect on others.
Faith. Another broad subject. It depends. I have never had faith in myself. I never had willpower or anything like that. I’ve lied and told myself I’ve had, but in truth, I can only Fail Myself. Put in capitols. I can’t rely on myself, I don’t have resources from myself. What I do have faith in is others. That others can definitely carry on just fine without me. And that gives me a content feeling.
For lack of energy, not so much. I have energy. This also ties in with resources. I don’t have the resources to use all the energy I have.
@Greenz, I don’t think it’s hard to get a gun in the U.S. I know this household has purchased at least four in the last year with no problems. Just a little paperwork. It might be different with somebody for disabilities, but I do not know. It’s just if you want to carry around a gun in public, you have to get a ‘concealed carry permit’.
They’re opening a local gay bar in my town
nice
YOLO
nutella keeps me here :)))
This is such a bloody good question – and an important one. My reasons are mulitfarious, but it’s mainly because I accept and understand that everything is temporary, and like fellow antinatalist, Jim Crawford, I’ve never fallen so low that it’s come to that. But I know how to do it painlessly, if I ever feel the need… and that gives me the greatest comfort… knowing that There IS an EXIT.
I also could’ve said “gravity.”
When it comes right down to it, i want to do something, which requires being alive. The odds are terrible, and i’m inclined to assume i can’t do any of what makes existence worth enduring… but there is no alternative. I can either kill myself, or die trying (to do what i think is impossible).
There’s also the issue of procrastination. I still have access to a few things that occupy my mind and compel me to persist, even though those few things are entirely insufficient, and do not contribute anything significant to any of my worthwhile goals. I can do what doesn’t work, or nothing. So it shouldn’t be surprising that i often opt for nothing, since i hate the idea that nothing i can access can generate any progress toward anything i would want to live for.
As far as i can deduce, according to the information and observations i can access, this is all we ever get… but if someone were able to convince me that there is an “after,” of any kind, i would immediately move on, into it, because my current state of being is already ruined. I would gladly shed all i’ve ever known, in exchange for a brand new one. It’s statistically impossible for whatever might be next, to be identical to this one… so while there’s a chance it could end up worse, there’s also a chance it could be better, which my current iteration sorely lacks. I have no chance to be better enough, despite all that isn’t wrong. My current (and likely only) manifestation has no room to grow into anything worth being. Maybe the next one would. But i would have to believe there is a next one, in order for that to become a viable choice… and there isn’t anything i’ve ever encountered which would cause me to believe that is anything more than wishful thinking.
“Fallout 4 – Now available on Xbox One, PlayStation 4 and Windows PC”
BETH PLZ.
Also:
The hopes of someday achieving inner peace with my soul, which is a tough ask since my soul is a biartch to work with, let alone live with. Either that or defect to the U.S. and join your fellas Marine Corps. If they poach former Kiwi soldiers that is… Seeing their intimidated by our “individual command > micro management” logic. Amongst other things that is.
@TMS: i think bethesda is gonna be busy dealing with Fallout: TESO, for a while. 😛 (or more specifically, the ensuing “fallout” from all the spoiled, whiny, entitled gamers who will likely ruin the ESO venture, published by bethesda, developed by zenimax… and it’s possible that bethesda might take a hard enough revenue hit to slow down development on other IPs, like the Fallout series…)
A few reasons: fear of punishment/hell in the next world for suicide, not wanting to hurt the one friend/person who matters to me (even though he’s hundreds of miles away with his own family), not wanting the people who hurt me to “win”, to give them what they’d want, foolish stupid hope that things might get better.
oh yeah… i sometimes forget that revenge is one of the things that makes me not want to quit just yet.
It’s fascinating to see the different reasons why all have found some way to stick around.
I think for me, I always have this hope that things will get tremendously better in the future. But then I wonder if I’m setting myself up for disappointment.
I’ve had some great moments here and there in my life. I’d like to have more moments like those and also try to top them to create even greater moments.
The biggest question I ask myself is, “Are things ever going to get better?”
well first u preheat the oven to 425° and when its preheated u put the pizza in for 15 minutes. u then take it out and then put on 2 packs of shredded cheese and there u have an awesome fucking pizza 😀
Lacking resources to leave. I don’t want to risk a “maybe it’ll work” suicide attempt. I want something effective, a gun or an enormous fall. The only effective resource I have would be self immolation (self burning) which is too painful to contemplate.
I also believe that supernatural forces ultimately are blocking my way to suicide because at every turn I have been blocked from a desired death. I believe these are malevolent supernatural forces that take advantage of me and others for their own ends. Leaving me a puppet on somebody else’s string, trying to cut the strings somehow.
I don’t have enough wood to build a fire big enough to suffocate the entire planet in carbon monoxide. It’ll take a while.
YES! Things will get better!
The thought that if I jump and die I’ll just come back and do it again! And again! And again! I’m here now let me see if I can stick around long enough to go beyond this suicide urge so I won’t have to do it again.