For some who are left behind, I don’t think it’s “caring” they finally discover, it’s guilt for their lack of caring when the person was still alive. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
We tend to become islands, alone in our oceans. I think that applies to people who never experience depression as profound as that which brings us here, as well as to those who do.
Heard of a story on the news recently about a woman who committed suicide in her apartment, and her remains weren’t discovered until ten years later. Her television was still switched on too.
Most apartment complexes here in the States have deals with the electric companies to have billing revert back to the complex when the electric is “stopped”. Of course, I’d expect an eviction to occur well before 10 years is up, but then, I read a recent story where a guy was supposed to be sent to prison and they didn’t go looking for him for 13 years. He wasn’t even trying to hide.
I agree with ‘barareaguy’ completely. But when people feel an overwhelming sense of guilt after somebody’s passing, why does it take THAT long? Why does everything have to occur too late?
And then there are the people who seek some sort of mediocre fame/attention from one’s death. I just don’t have the energy to express my opinion on this population.
It takes that long because they don’t quite believe you are suffering that much. Like most things in life, until you experience it first hand, you don’t really know what it’s like. They might equate the pain of depression to what they feel when a friend dies (Note: You don’t feel like killing yourself.) They may also underestimate how much a particular problem is hurting somebody. For example, a breakup to you may be worse than a breakup to them.
Add in the fact that most people are self-absorbed and don’t really notice things going on around them, and basically you have your “Oh, I didn’t know” and “I didn’t realize it was that bad” statements.
Saying no one cares is a bit of an extreme stance. Some do, some don’t. Caring falls on a spectrum – care a ton, care a lot, care a little, slight pang of caring for 5 milliseconds when your death is announced, don’t care at all, kinda wanna hurt you, reveling in your pain, psychopathic serial killer, death is not enough – need to torture your soul.
I completely forgot to mention that it’s also very difficult for people to care in advance when you don’t give off anything more than super subtle hints at suicide. Most of the time we look pretty normal on the outside.
I don’t know if we can post links here. Just google “depression i’m fine” without quotes and look at the image results.
I agree with what you’ve got to say and I’m not saying that nobody cares. But this image is an illustration of how the realisation of matters occur when nobody can rewind time – ultimately, when it’s just too late. For example, those left behind may wonder about the time they saw those scars on the passed one’s arms and did nothing about it. Things/events that were dismissed all make sense ONLY after the death of that person. It only takes a minute to ask somebody if they’re alright or if they want to talk about anything.
Yes, but, they do ask if you are alright, and you say you’re fine. It sucks that we use “How are you?” as a meaningless greeting so that we don’t know when someone is seriously asking. People just assume you are OK and don’t think too deeply about it. They can’t worry about someone they think is doing alright. They just go back to whatever they were doing. Sometimes people respond to this opening with some minor “bad day” issues, but “dropping the bomb” never feels appropriate.
My personal experience with someone in the know was that even after telling them everything, they kept saying that I seemed happy when they talked to me. They didn’t quite understand that I actually exist outside our conversations and that was when things were not well. It was like if they didn’t feel my pain, it didn’t exist. This is why people are more sympathetic to those with visible physical injuries.
I like to put things into context. You are driving down the street and stop at a traffic light. There is someone crossing the crosswalk. Do you think, “Is that person alright?” or do you barely realize they are there, perhaps worrying that you have only 5 minutes left to get to class.
Jump into acquaintance or friend territory. You see a friend on your way to class. “How are you today?” you ask them. They say they’re fine. You think nothing of it, chat about how much you liked/hated the class you just came from or talk about how awesome Game of Thrones is, and then go to your next class. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to you. The other person was completely responsive.
I didn’t consider the possibility that you were becoming philosophical on me. If you are asking why the universe is the way it is, and humans evolved the way they did, so that society is as screwed up as it ended up being. I can’t really answer that for you. 😉
I am in total agreement with all that you have said. I understand that point about where the person you confided in told you that you looked happy. I once got told that I was too happy to be sad – that I lived too much of a perfect life to be at an ultimate low. It just makes me think that is it my fault for being deceptive that they’re painting this image of me? Then again, everything’s always my fault.
I was hoping that you’d understand that my intention wasn’t to get philosophical. I was just interested in what you have to say. But if you ever do find the answers, you know where I am. 😉
15 comments
sometimes noone cares even after you are gone.
@PeelASquid,
True story. I remember reading about a guy who was found hanging from his apartment door for 8 years or so before being found.
For some who are left behind, I don’t think it’s “caring” they finally discover, it’s guilt for their lack of caring when the person was still alive. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
We tend to become islands, alone in our oceans. I think that applies to people who never experience depression as profound as that which brings us here, as well as to those who do.
Heard of a story on the news recently about a woman who committed suicide in her apartment, and her remains weren’t discovered until ten years later. Her television was still switched on too.
television still switched on? is it possible..
Most apartment complexes here in the States have deals with the electric companies to have billing revert back to the complex when the electric is “stopped”. Of course, I’d expect an eviction to occur well before 10 years is up, but then, I read a recent story where a guy was supposed to be sent to prison and they didn’t go looking for him for 13 years. He wasn’t even trying to hide.
I agree with ‘barareaguy’ completely. But when people feel an overwhelming sense of guilt after somebody’s passing, why does it take THAT long? Why does everything have to occur too late?
And then there are the people who seek some sort of mediocre fame/attention from one’s death. I just don’t have the energy to express my opinion on this population.
It takes that long because they don’t quite believe you are suffering that much. Like most things in life, until you experience it first hand, you don’t really know what it’s like. They might equate the pain of depression to what they feel when a friend dies (Note: You don’t feel like killing yourself.) They may also underestimate how much a particular problem is hurting somebody. For example, a breakup to you may be worse than a breakup to them.
Add in the fact that most people are self-absorbed and don’t really notice things going on around them, and basically you have your “Oh, I didn’t know” and “I didn’t realize it was that bad” statements.
Saying no one cares is a bit of an extreme stance. Some do, some don’t. Caring falls on a spectrum – care a ton, care a lot, care a little, slight pang of caring for 5 milliseconds when your death is announced, don’t care at all, kinda wanna hurt you, reveling in your pain, psychopathic serial killer, death is not enough – need to torture your soul.
I may have gotten carried away here.
I completely forgot to mention that it’s also very difficult for people to care in advance when you don’t give off anything more than super subtle hints at suicide. Most of the time we look pretty normal on the outside.
I don’t know if we can post links here. Just google “depression i’m fine” without quotes and look at the image results.
I agree with what you’ve got to say and I’m not saying that nobody cares. But this image is an illustration of how the realisation of matters occur when nobody can rewind time – ultimately, when it’s just too late. For example, those left behind may wonder about the time they saw those scars on the passed one’s arms and did nothing about it. Things/events that were dismissed all make sense ONLY after the death of that person. It only takes a minute to ask somebody if they’re alright or if they want to talk about anything.
Why does it have to get to the point of suicide for somebody to get some sort of idea that a person isn’t (or wasn’t) okay?
Yes, but, they do ask if you are alright, and you say you’re fine. It sucks that we use “How are you?” as a meaningless greeting so that we don’t know when someone is seriously asking. People just assume you are OK and don’t think too deeply about it. They can’t worry about someone they think is doing alright. They just go back to whatever they were doing. Sometimes people respond to this opening with some minor “bad day” issues, but “dropping the bomb” never feels appropriate.
My personal experience with someone in the know was that even after telling them everything, they kept saying that I seemed happy when they talked to me. They didn’t quite understand that I actually exist outside our conversations and that was when things were not well. It was like if they didn’t feel my pain, it didn’t exist. This is why people are more sympathetic to those with visible physical injuries.
I like to put things into context. You are driving down the street and stop at a traffic light. There is someone crossing the crosswalk. Do you think, “Is that person alright?” or do you barely realize they are there, perhaps worrying that you have only 5 minutes left to get to class.
Jump into acquaintance or friend territory. You see a friend on your way to class. “How are you today?” you ask them. They say they’re fine. You think nothing of it, chat about how much you liked/hated the class you just came from or talk about how awesome Game of Thrones is, and then go to your next class. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to you. The other person was completely responsive.
I didn’t consider the possibility that you were becoming philosophical on me. If you are asking why the universe is the way it is, and humans evolved the way they did, so that society is as screwed up as it ended up being. I can’t really answer that for you. 😉
I am in total agreement with all that you have said. I understand that point about where the person you confided in told you that you looked happy. I once got told that I was too happy to be sad – that I lived too much of a perfect life to be at an ultimate low. It just makes me think that is it my fault for being deceptive that they’re painting this image of me? Then again, everything’s always my fault.
I was hoping that you’d understand that my intention wasn’t to get philosophical. I was just interested in what you have to say. But if you ever do find the answers, you know where I am. 😉