An expensive cost, the price of rape

There was a chill in the wind that night, one like no other.
The darkness made it hard for sight, but I didn’t know it mattered.
The strength of your grip, the frame of your stature;
As you grabbed my hips, before I knew it I was captured.
You forced yourself on me, along with your touch.
I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn’t get off.
You were too strong and heavy, I couldn’t get you off top;
With your hand over my mouth, I kept screaming stop.
My throat went dry, I couldn’t scream.
I tried and tried, but the harder it seemed.
Next thing I knew, an unfamiliar place;
Unsure of what to do, clothes were disappearing at fast pace.
My face turned white, I couldn’t shift.
Frozen in fright, thinking did I deserve this?
Down my cheek, the first tear rolls.
As you proceed, my mouth you hold.
“Our little secret” you whispered in my ear.
“You better fucking keep it!” you became my only fear.
Blood droplets depart, from deep, deep inside of me.
Fast pounding heart, you took my dignity.
Without permission,without consent;
The one abduction, you would not repent.
As your cold eyes just watched me, and as I fought hard and cried;
You crushed my soul over and over, as you thrusted deeper inside.
I begged, cried, pleaded, swore not to tell.
Your response was, “it will only hurt like hell”
You were rough, my head into the ground;
And you were tough, choked me when i made a sound.
The world slowly went dark, from the fighting and the pain.
I woke up bloody and dirty, from only the sound of rain.
Closed are my sunken eyes, tears gracefully crawl down my face.
I pick myself up out of the dirt, my heart again, it raced.
Walked home alone, you had left me there.
Scared of what to come, i washed the mud from my hair.
Bathed away any trace of you, no evidence to be found.
Cried, and cried because of you, your familiar with the sound.
You murdered my innocence, took away the last of my pride.
You broke me down, and shattered my trust all at once in your stride.
Abused me, denied me, and watched as tears ran down my face.
How could one soul do this? I believed I was in a safe place.
Because of you, I fear just about all, And all I can do is blame myself;
“How could I not escape?” not even crawl
My dear mother dismissed me, when I spoke of what had occurred.
Ignored my fearful plea for help, every last word.
My eyes are now swollen, my bones nearly broken.
For now the man who stole my childhood, holds it as his token.
I told you no, Even begged you to stop.
Deafened by muscle, you remained there on top.
You took away my voice; you are the bane of my life.
The physical pain I felt that night, was comparable to that of a knife.
Because of you, I live in fear.
I am afraid of any man, who comes even remotely near.
I walk alone now, I hope this guilt is a heavy burden to haul.
Dear man-in-the-park, you’re not even a man. Not a little, not at all.
My body is beyond broken,my mind completely lost.
A lesson with a price, myself an expensive cost.
What man will want this? Violated soul.
Pregnant by rape, two new babies to hold.
Ten weeks they grew, developed in mommy.
Ten weeks, they flew, two porcelain copies.
One more week, I could tell the sex.
One more week, one more didn’t exist.
They died, you see, they died inside me.
Two of you, yet still i was happy.
You took them too, along with me.
Left me there bruised, and i cried you a sea.
Now this bottle i hold is empty, and the room i’m in; it spins.
I put the razor to my wrist, and rip it across my skin.
The blood paints the floor, everything is slowing down.
The darkness is back again, and now it’s all around.
The cigarette still burns, as the smoke does an exotic dance.
It moves so slow and graceful, putting me in a trance.
There’s an empty whiskey bottle, a cigarette burning, and a note.
The blood is coloring the white paper red,
where “Our secret,” is faintly wrote.
I weakly smile as I stare, at the broken body I just escaped.
Indeed an expensive cost, for the price of rape.
But that’s not how it ends today, No, that’s not it at all.
It ends with me down to lay, asleep i soon will fall.
I have you to thank you see, for more reasons than one.
My mother and my babies wait for me, It’s me that’s truely won.
You thought you got the best of me, but i have more to give.
My babies would have known this, see? though i never will forgive.
You did take a piece of me, but a piece that i got have back.
You lost 2 years of your life after me, 2 years you’ll forever lack.
I’m done saying these words to you, you’ll never read them anyway.
Today i’m done too, not thinking about you another day.