I don’t regret it, but then I haven’t taken to self-harm in almost a year. I substitute it with an unkept bulimic condition of mine and throwing my head up against the wall from time to time.
Better? Nah mate, it’d be exactly the same minus the faded scars.
When I feel there is no way out of this world I would do this to help myself. I immediately pay attention to my sad, painful feelings like a mother/father rushing to attend to a crying baby. Then I give those feelings a caring hug, and recognition, like “ah ha, “very very sad, confused and deeply hurt”. “This is how it feels when this body and mind are hurt”, “it feels like this” . Then I pay attention to every aspect of that painful and hurtful feeling and give each of those experiences a name like “anger”, “hate arising”, “hurt engulfing”, “sad thoughts”, “evil thoughts”, “envious thoughts”, “gibberish thoughts”, “worry”, “confusion”, “fear”, “unsafe”, “worthlessness”,… For each sorrow and down feeling, wherever I can locate it in the body, I apply bounty of love, kindness, forgiveness, soothing, encouragement and stay with it for 3-5 minutes or as long as I need to until I no longer feel the effect of this bad feeling as it subsides. Also, dont think these sad/anger/upset/unbalanced states of mind are ours or belong to us. They aren’t. They are just thoughts and emotion states that come and go, just like rain would pour down when cloud is heavy, and after sometime the rain would stop. Life changes from moment to moment, and suffering moment doesnt last forever. But our mind tricks us to think they last forever. I usually would feel very bad in the evening, but when morning comes I dont feel bad any more. Do you feel that way too?
We are important and our survival is important no matter what others or external circumstances do to us. Regardless of our situation, our success or failure, we can stay calm inside. Loving kindness for ourselves makes an inner refuge for us. So when difficult time comes, we can retreat to our inner home and stay safe there. We live moment to moment, and even the moment in tough situation, we can live through it by watching ourselves, body and emotions and give them respect, kindness, and understanding.
I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met some if my friends, or have been able to help the ones I have. Sure, the scars on my arms draw attention, but then I can tell them to quit joking about cutters, it’s not that fu**ing funny. sure I still have trouble with suicidal thoughts and urges, but now I have a greater self control. It’s a learning experience. My God will not put anything in front of us that he doesn’t think we cannot handle. It will change. You have to make it change.
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I don’t regret it, but then I haven’t taken to self-harm in almost a year. I substitute it with an unkept bulimic condition of mine and throwing my head up against the wall from time to time.
Better? Nah mate, it’d be exactly the same minus the faded scars.
When I feel there is no way out of this world I would do this to help myself. I immediately pay attention to my sad, painful feelings like a mother/father rushing to attend to a crying baby. Then I give those feelings a caring hug, and recognition, like “ah ha, “very very sad, confused and deeply hurt”. “This is how it feels when this body and mind are hurt”, “it feels like this” . Then I pay attention to every aspect of that painful and hurtful feeling and give each of those experiences a name like “anger”, “hate arising”, “hurt engulfing”, “sad thoughts”, “evil thoughts”, “envious thoughts”, “gibberish thoughts”, “worry”, “confusion”, “fear”, “unsafe”, “worthlessness”,… For each sorrow and down feeling, wherever I can locate it in the body, I apply bounty of love, kindness, forgiveness, soothing, encouragement and stay with it for 3-5 minutes or as long as I need to until I no longer feel the effect of this bad feeling as it subsides. Also, dont think these sad/anger/upset/unbalanced states of mind are ours or belong to us. They aren’t. They are just thoughts and emotion states that come and go, just like rain would pour down when cloud is heavy, and after sometime the rain would stop. Life changes from moment to moment, and suffering moment doesnt last forever. But our mind tricks us to think they last forever. I usually would feel very bad in the evening, but when morning comes I dont feel bad any more. Do you feel that way too?
We are important and our survival is important no matter what others or external circumstances do to us. Regardless of our situation, our success or failure, we can stay calm inside. Loving kindness for ourselves makes an inner refuge for us. So when difficult time comes, we can retreat to our inner home and stay safe there. We live moment to moment, and even the moment in tough situation, we can live through it by watching ourselves, body and emotions and give them respect, kindness, and understanding.
I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met some if my friends, or have been able to help the ones I have. Sure, the scars on my arms draw attention, but then I can tell them to quit joking about cutters, it’s not that fu**ing funny. sure I still have trouble with suicidal thoughts and urges, but now I have a greater self control. It’s a learning experience. My God will not put anything in front of us that he doesn’t think we cannot handle. It will change. You have to make it change.