I’m hurting a lot today. I would say more than normal, but on the other hand, it just feels the same– and that’s part of why it’s so exhausting. Everything has become so mundane. I’ve been sober since late September, I think. I’m proud of myself, I guess. But, dealing with my feelings instead of numbing them with vodka is debilitatingly difficult. I’m having the same issue with sleep. I have horrifying chronic nightmares. Sometimes, my brain will give me an extra “fuck you” and I’ll have a night terror. I’m so tired. I’m so, so tired. I used to snort Ritalin at night in […]
I can’t stop shaking.
I’ve been lying to my parents for 3 years. They think I’m about to graduate from university when in fact I haven’t been going to school. My parents are so proud of me. It’s all a lie. I honestly don’t know what to do right now. I have no friends, I have nobody except for my parents, where do I even begin to pick up my life? The son that they love is a complete lie, he doesn’t exist. i have had really bad social anxiety and depression that i haven’t been able to even get up and go to class.My […]
I am officially screwed.
People say money can’t buy happiness. But it can. And I need money to buy braces, new glasses, for future university tuition, etc.
I just turned 17 and found out that I need to get my wisdom teeth out, get braces, and all that. Overall it will cost around $10k, maybe more. I don’t have that kind of money, and my parents can’t afford it.
I can save a bit of money if I choose to get my wisdom teeth out on a simple dentist chair. But I’ll probably freak out and the surgeons don’t want that so I’ll have to be put to […]
i’m trying to back up and figure out how i ended up where i am right now
all i can say to anyone is that i don’t know what i did to be in this situation
i’m scared, so scared. i just wanted to be left alone. i know i made a lot of mistakes. i know i caused trouble. i know. but i thought everything was going well for the last few months.
i’m finally back in effective therapy. i’m finally on track academically. i’m finally recognizing what is right for me. realizing where many of my issues came from. realizing that my ex had been abusive towards […]
Fisrt of all I’m not proud of this. I’ve never thought I would be publishing something in a page like this. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Second, I’m spanish that’s why my grammar sucks, pretty much that.
I have no idea where should I start. I’ve been depressed for a lot of years, I tried to kill myself a couple of times but I didn’t suceed.
My parents are not together, they divorced when I was eight. My mother started returning really late from work, kids started bullying me at school, but I could handle it, until I was twelve. My father was getting married […]
I feel like I’m dying inside but at the same time I feel absolutely nothing. I try to continue on and some days I think that I am actually making progress until I am absolutely blindsided and am back to where I started. I usually never dream but recently have been having nightmares that leave me petrified, I couldn’t even get out of bed today because I was so terrified. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I’m all alone and I just want someone to help me. I have tried to reach out to professionals before but they were a complete […]
Why can’t someone see, that I’m hurting?
Why can’t I just break?
Why aren’t I breaking?
Why is it when people yell horrible things at me, I stay silent?
Why can’t I fight back?
Why can’t I end it?
Why do I feel this way?
first time using this site i hope im doing this right. anyway to outline my current situation, im a complete fucking failure at anything i ever do. im diagnosed with depression and general anxiety and probably have something else mixed in there but at this point im too scared to get checked out.
anyway, ive had(noticed) anxiety since third grade and depression since sixth.i found out i had anxiety in fifth grade and found out i had depression in ninth grade. i am currently in tenth grade.
ive gone through 3 medications so far and none of them work. it feels like this all is […]
Im so fucking depressed, i dont know how anyone could even help me. Last week my bf broke up with me and ive been in denial ever since, and it just now it hit me. I am so devistated.
Today was really hard. Couldn’t study for my final because all I kept thinking of were ways to get away with dying.
I failed my final. Possibly didn’t pass that class. Money spent for nothing. Parents are going to give me shit of course. I won’t ever finish college.
I lost a family member today. Talked someone out of not killing herself over a guy. Isn’t that weird how we can tell people it’s going to be okay and how suicide isn’t the answer?
When I’m cutting, I feel so in control of how deep I can go. I want to just hit a vein and be like […]
I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t do this anymore. I just want it to end. Everything go black and disappear. I want to carve just to feel something other than this complete darkness that covers me. No one can help me. No one can help.
I keep giving myself away to people who I know don’t care about me for anything other than sex.
I just want someone to sweep me off my feet and help me forget.
When did this world become so insufferable? So much division and violence and hate. I can’t take it. I had enough of that in my own home growing up, and now I’m forced into this reality with an extremely amplified version of the same thing. And I work this useless job at a filthy, greedy corporation. No free time to even figure out who I am or what I want. No room to live, because I have to pay so much just to exist, let alone try to live. The only people that seem to care about my stupid thoughts are you all…and I don’t […]
I have decided I’m going make an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible, and I’m going to get the criteria list for both Bipolar (because of my aunt’s concerns) and this other disorder (which I’ve been questioning after doing research and heavily relating to). I’m going to tick off the symptoms I have and give them to him (this is after he helps me with the Angels).
Since no one is doing anything to help me, I’m going to get the ball rolling. Even if I’m not diagnosed with neither of these, it’ll give them some insight as to the symptoms I’m showing and […]
Just bought the pills to help me end things. Should be here by Monday. What should I do in my final week on Earth? I would spend time with the one I love, but I’m dead to him already. I guess I’ll try to go to the beach.
The Early Intervention team called my therapist to say they’re not bothering with me again. She said they told her I’m not psychotic. I could’ve told her that.
If it were psychosis then this wouldn’t be real. The voices wouldn’t be real, the Angels wouldn’t be real, the others wouldn’t be real, the demons and shadow people wouldn’t be real. But they are real.
They said it might just be down to my depression and anxiety. Okay. They can say that, but it’s not. They’re just real, and that’s not down to anything.
I see my therapist next Friday now, so I’ll tell her it was a waste […]
I’m not gonna reveal my name, but you can call me Justin. I’m 13 and I’ve been secretly depressed since I was 12. My life is good as a whole, I have loving parents, and a loving brother (and family), but I still don’t feel loved. They don’t know I’m suicidal, but they might suspect it. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I have been thinking about suicide ever since I entered this new Catholic school. I am 95% convinced that I’m bisexual, and I’ve told some of my friends. They support my sexuality, but I need someone. Someone to love. Someone to hug. My […]
How the hell can I do it. How the hell will I do it? They’ll care.
I don’t want them to care. Dear lord I don’t want them to care. God….
1 more month, and…
Oh Dear God…Help me. 🙁 ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;(
My mom’s friend that she works with is actually closer to my age and it turns out she went through same thing with student loans that I have and she owed the school money too. She even dropped out of school for the same reason as me since she has depression too and she has scars on her arms too.
I owe the school over $4,000 since I dropped out plus student loans. It turns out that if I pay the collection agency 5% of that $4,000 they will turn it over back to the college and if I pay payments on it for 9 months […]
I could only last 2 hours in college today. We were using sharp tools and it triggered the Angels – I hadn’t heard them all day up until then. They haven’t shut up since. My mum yelled because she had to pick me up early. I didn’t tell her why, she doesn’t understand. Whenever I use them as an ‘excuse’ – as she puts it – she gets angry and says it’s stupid.
She’s lying. She knows about them, she works with my psychiatrist and the Others. I know now. Obadiah told me that I need to see my doctor; I need to tell him what […]