But I wish my life would be done already. It’s something I just want to get over with. Â Like getting a root canal or something.
I love both my kids very much. Â They mean more to me than anything.
I have 2 kids one age 22, & one 15. Â The 22 year old is miserable all the time & blames me for everything bad in his life. Â He’s suffered from mental illness for many years, & I’ve done my best to get him help. He is extremely mean to me & his sister, but I still try to be patient with him. Â I only want him to be happy. Â He is frequently sorry for his horrible behavior, but his insists that I am to blame for much of it.
Ive always been there for him & have supported him through so much. It’s been really really hard. Â I’m far from perfect, I know. Â He frequently swears at me & calls me names . Â But when he storms out of the house in a fit of rage, all I do is worry about him.
I don’t know who Who he sees when he looks at me anymore. Â I am baffled by it all. Â How could he think I am against him? I’m SO sad. Â The years have been long & hard.
he says how difficult I am to “get along with”. Â Yet he says he gets along with my husband (his father) Â just fine. Â When I’ve been the one to take care of everything all these years! It’s so unfair.
When my son says that he wishes he were dead, I sometimes wish I could say the same thing back to him. Â I know that’s awful. I’m just so tired of it all. Â I try to keep the peace for my younger child, but obviously am not succeeding. And I feel very bad for her.
I just want to be gone From this world.
My husband is zero help & thinks I get my feelings hurt too easily.
i probably didn’t convey my thoughts very well here. Â Thanks for reading though.
sorry  for the typos.
6 comments
It’s tough when a child does not appreciate a parent. Focus on your daughter. Keep your head up. My son is only 3 and if he was here in this world I would have already my let go.
Wasnt*
Thank you, jamess. Yes, that is what I try to do. Sometimes she is my only reason for being here. But it’s so hard. She deserves better.
You need some tough love…lay down the rules and if he breaks them tell him he is no longer welcome in your home. Be the parent, don’t try to be his friend. Then tell him maybe he should live with his father. Most likely, since he doesn’t live with the father…you become the bad guy, and all the father does is spoil him and treat him nice when they are together. The father doesn’t have to be a parent, so he CAN be a friend.
As far as rules go…I’d tell him if he talks back to you and doesn’t respect you and your rules…out he goes. Period, no exceptions. When he has to go earn a living and act responsible, he will eventually grow up and realize what and ass he is being…but not if you continue to let him act as he does.
Best of Luck! 🙂
I suggest sharing your suicidal thoughts with your son. He is frustrated and angry about something. He probably lashes out at you because he wants you to talk to him but never really do or show the compassion he is looking for. I know that’s why I was a moody asshole to my parents for a long time. Then we got to talking which is what I’ve always really wanted. Now we have the best relationship I’ve had with my parents in my life and I feel a lot more supported and the only difference is we talked for real. That said my parents were only part of my anxiety. I felt they were really judgemental of me and my mostly failed efforts to better myself but really it was concern I wrote off because it wasn’t patient because I put up walls and was a moody asshole. Talk to your son. I had very serious plans to off myself. You have been there in the past for your son. He is moody and an ass to you especially because he has a problem but has no solutions himself. Prob thinks you don’t understand and even if you did prob thinks you of all people should have been more aware and understanding of his pain. The more it hurts the less he communicates and is an asshole. Vicious cycle. Sympathy goes a ways. Empathy heals. Share your feelings before its too late. Repeating the same actions again and again and expecting different results is insane. Try it. Good luck. Sometimes I still wish I was dead. Today is one of those days…
Whisper, I wish I could do just that. However, my husband & I are still together. My son is mentally ill. My husband had always refused to believe this. This ruined our relationship. It’s funny because I was always the one being the mediator between husband & son. Begging my husband to love his son more. Begging my son to do the little chores or whatever my husband asked of him.
Now, I am the one on the outs. I was always (& still am) the concerned one, the worrier. Meeting with schools, counselors, doctors. Going to appointments, court dates, etc.
Though I am not privy to information from my son’s psychiatrist, from what my son tells me, I think the doctor has him diagnosed as schizophrenic. This may very well be, I don’t know because my son does not tell me everything. From living with him though, I feel that he may have Borderline Personality Disorder. In any case, he refuses to take medication. I know that is his right, but I pray that he finds some way to improve then. He screams crazy things at me that aren’t true. He is very tall & I am very small. I am never physically afraid of him. I am afraid FOR him though.
To JOHNWHOGIVESASHIT – you are so right. My son thinks I am judgmental, he thinks I don’t understand, & he thinks I should be more aware of what he needs. I tell him over & over again that I do not want to control him, I only would like some respect. Respect for me & for my home & my daughter. I husband doesn’t care if my son doesn’t respect him. I also tell him that ,no, I do not have a mental illness (though God knows I wish I were not alive), but I try my hardest to understand & be patient with him.
I also want to tell you johnwhogivesashit (I don’t know if you’ll even see this), that I am glad that you have a better relationship with your parents.
I am SO alone in all this. I have friends, but fear that I may lose them if I continue to vent & complain about my life, so I try hard to keep it in.
I sit here every day, waiting for whatever bad is going to happen – all along pretending to live a “normal” life for people on the outside, & trying so hard to keep it together for my daughter.
I wish the End Times would just come already – today – right now, like in Revelation.