I remember

I remember when we were children
And we wished so much
To grow up already
And to be a grown up
Or most likely a teenager.

I remember when I was a kid
I had the biggest imagination
And I still do, but it’s not as magical
It was this big thing that I loved
I still love it too, but not as much now

I remember when I wished
I wished to be a teenager already
To not be treated as a child
To put on heels and sophisticated outfits
To do hard and difficult math equations

I remember when my hopes were high
My hopes were so terribly high
Just to come crashing down to the earth
With a loud BOOM as my hopes were crushed
And I now I don’t have any hopes

I remember when I was naive and innocent
When I didn’t know about certain things
I didn’t care about specific things
I was so naive and so innocent
I didn’t know a whole lot

I remember when kids were filled with joy
When their laughs were so happy
When the smiles they smiled were genuine
Instead of fake, but so perfectly fake
That not even an onlooker could pick out the fakes

I remember when our faces were happy looking
When our eyes were full of hope and joy
Instead of fake happiness, pain, and sadness
Our faces so joyous and laughing
Instead of peeling masks, crumbling every second

I remember when I knew how to do only three things
One, be care free
Two, be a kid
Three, be happy
Now I don’t know how to do any of those things

I remember when I didn’t know about suicide
When I would never think about hurting myself on purpose
When I wouldn’t ever dare to think about killing myself
When I didn’t even know what suicide meant
Or what cutting and self harming was

I remember when my eyes were wide
Wide and filled with wonder and imagination
Filled with happiness and joy
So wide and full of lovely things
But now those lovely things are gone, pain took their place

I remember when my heart was one piece
Just one solid and strong piece
All together
Nothing could break it no matter how much pain I was in
Nothing absolutely nothing

I remember those times
But now my heart is shatter, scarred, broken, cracked
It is now in millions of shards
Scattered all over
I have no energy to pick them up now

I remember when I laughed happily
I remember when I used to be happy
I remember when I smiled genuinely
I remember when I loved myself
I remember when I lived a great life

I remember when I didn’t hide my pain because I had no pain to hide
I remember when I didn’t want to kill myself
I remember when I didn’t cry myself to sleep
I remember when I didn’t lie and say I was fine, because the truth was that I was fine
I remember when I didn’t play with the knife wanting to cut

I remember when I used to be happy
I remember when I used to be joyous
I remember when I used to be wide eyed
I remember when I used to be naive
I remember when I used to innocent

I remember when I wasn’t lonely
I remember when I wasn’t hated
I remember when I wasn’t scared
I remember when I wasn’t sad
I remember when I wasn’t pain-filled

I remember
I remember all of these weird things
I remember.