so miserable

“Even I have no reason to kill myself”

False. I see this so much. There is a reason, even if you can’t place it. This derives from the whole concept that ‘S/he has a “better” reason to kill themself’.

When I first came to this site I started learning of others struggles and some of them were just the absolute worst nightmares. So I reflected upon my own life and I started comparing. It began making my depression more confusing as I began to wonder ‘why would I kill myself for my problems, when these people have it much worse?’ What I learned: never compare yourself to another person. And if you think you don’t have a ‘reason’, but yet you are depressed and/or suicidal, I can guarantee there is a reason. It’s not in the nature of humans to want to diminish their own being.

I think we all get stuck in that ‘silence tower’, and it takes heavy motivation to get out. Because why bear all this anguish when we don’t even know if there will be a good outcome? [that right there is my main pro-death point, for myself]. But doesn’t happiness [or whatever you consider life-worthy or successful] come from taking that leap of faith?

I always find myself asking ‘is it possible I can become more miserable’? I answer with ‘no’. Sure, something can traumatize me more, but I’m at miseries peak. So if I try and fail, how can I become more miserable? The problem I see is that I would have endured pain for nothing. But then again I think ‘it could happen! the ending can be good!’. And I guess if you think like that, it’s the thing that you should hang on to. But again, it takes effort. And most of us lack motivation massively [which is another problem for me].

Good luck pulling yourself out of the misery, luke4848 🙂