My daughter’s last day of camp is August 10. If I leave August 8 and send a delayed e-mail to her father, that gives him a day to clean up the mess (and hopefully feed the cats). He’ll have to pick her up, obviously.
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Do you ever feel jealous that your daughter gets better treatment than you did as a child?
Maybe not jealous but somewhat resentful
Great question. I wouldn’t say jealous or resentful. In fact, where she’s concerned I’m grateful and relieved that I’ve been able to freely provide for her. Having said that, when I look at how easily and naturally I do for her as her mother, I am deeply saddened when I am treated shabbily by own mother. It is because I am a mother that I can see all too clearly how cruel my own mother is. What I thought was “normal” for almost the entirety of my life, I have learned is highly destructive. Until I became a parent myself and met other parents, I didn’t know that some genuinely love their children. Thanks for your insight.
Not to sound insensitive (I’m actually in a similar situation), but did you ever think of simply leaving? Take some money, get on a bus or train (pay cash so there’s no paper trail, unless things have changed) and ‘disappear.’ If like me, you have no where to go, then the disappearance would be permanent.
If I go through with it, people will simply think that I’ve gone on a vacation to clear my mind and sort things out in my life. But accidents happen, of course, and sometimes there’s no physical evidence left behind.
Will anyone suspect? Of course some will, but I have no history of attempts or depression or illness, so it will be easy for people to convince themselves that ‘something bad happened.’
I tell you this only because I tell myself the same thing: keep trying to find a way to go on, until you are absolutely, 100% certain that this choice is right, because there’s no way back.
I wish you the best in any case.
I don’t blame you for feeling the pain and sadness when you recognize the differences in how parents should love their children. How you were raised wasn’t right, and it’s scarred you.
But as horrible as it was, maybe good can come out of it. If you’re able to give your daughter the support you never had, you would be undoing generations of emotional abuse that was passed down. The suffering you endured would lay the foundation to a stronger sense of how a child should be raised. There’s more than one way to stop the damage your mother caused; it doesn’t have to be with your death.