I Want Out

To be honest, I just really want out of this life.  I can’t take it anymore.  I can’t take the worrying about my future.  I can’t stand the fact that I’m completely ugly.  I can’t stand the fact that I can never chose the right religion.  I can’t stand the fact that I’m so open about how I feel with everyone in the world.  I’m just so fucked up in the mind, and there’s so much that races through my head.  There are just so many thoughts, and they’re crazy and weird.  I’m crazy and weird.  I’m stupid.  I’m always fucking something up.  People try to tell me things to make me feel better, but that shit doesn’t work.  In the end, I still feel the same about myself.  There’s nothing anyone can say that can help.  It’s just how I feel.  I’m a miserable fuck up and I don’t deserve to be taking up space on this planet.  Life is just getting way too hard for me.  Life is just becoming way too much for me.  It’s all too much.  Everyone will tell me that I need to go to the hospital, but you know what, I’m not going.  The hospital does nothing for me!  I mean is absolutely does nothing!!!!!  There was one social worker that told me that some people live their lives wishing they were dead.  I guess I’m one of those people.  I just needed to get this off my chest.  There are other things that go on in my mind, but I’d rather not talk about those things.  Those things make me feel like a complete fucking creep.  That’s another thing I feel like, a creep.  If God exists, why would he make such a human being as me?  A person tormented by their own mind!