Is love possible between two people who suffer from depression and have had a suicidal past? Can those two people function normally and healthily in a relationship? I wonder.
I think I subconsciously seek out guys who fit into this insane mold that I have constructed unknowingly my entire adult life. I think I look for people who are as insane as I am before I continue further on in a relationship. Is that in and of itself insane? Maybe it’s because I feel that is the only way I’ll be accepted? Because I can’t fathom anyone loving me the way I am. It’s pathetic to be honest.
But isn’t it true that most people cut you out of their lives once they’ve detected just a miniscule amount of crazy in you?
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I think that’s the same reason I tend to date women who are at least a little out of their gourd as well, but I think it’s the reason all of my relationships have failed. There can only be one crazy person in the relationship, and I’m not the designated sane person for this lifetime 😉
I think love is kind of a “life affirming” thing. You have to want to be alive and want to enjoy the experience to want to love somebody. So it’s one thing if someone was suicidal in their past. But if two people are actually miserable in the present, wanting to die but trying to love, I’m not sure that’s love. Yeah you can romanticize two people hating life together and hoping to die, but I’m not sure that’s real love. Besides this whole “love” thing we are capable of feeling is basically meant to drive procreation and survival of the species. Two people wanting to die aren’t exactly looking to pass on their DNA.
It can be comforting to find someone in a similar mental state as you are, and it may feel like there is love there. But from personal experience it never really ends well for two people who aren’t exactly mentally healthy. So if we seek out relationships hoping to escape some pain, it defeats the purpose to be in unhealthy relationships that just end in fighting and heartache.
I’ve gravitated towards equally messed up people over the years and all it did was introduce more pain into my life. Now I just stay single. It’s lonely but ultimately easier. I’m not normal and it’s not fair to try to get a girl to care about me.
You can see the fallout of unhealthy relationships in the posts on this site. Depressed people make their relationships the only reason they wake up in the morning and when that person eventually leaves them they just want to die even more. Clinging to someone because they make you want to stay alive isn’t really loving them, just treating them like a life preserver. People don’t like the feeling of knowing they’re responsible for making you happy, that’s why they leave.
But just rambling because I’m bored. Generalizations never work. There are no set rules in life. Maybe two really depressed people can be the best couple ever. I dunno.