It just won’t. A devoted partner, a caring parent, a sympathetic friend or hell even the purest love of all, the love of a dog, won’t save you.
Suicide, or at least the suicide I know, is like drowning in the ocean. Love is like someone on the shore praying for you. It may give you a moment’s satisfaction to know that someone is worrying about you, but in the end the only thing that can save you is if something physically drags you out of the ocean.
Love doesn’t do that. Love can soothe you, distract you, make you feel like you have a purpose, maybe even give you strength to swim a few feet, but love will not grab your sinking soul and make you clean and make the demons stop.
I don’t need love: some soft, tender voice crying over me and making me feel worse for dragging it down with me. I just need a massive tidal wave to send me under, once and for all, and after that there will me no more struggling, no more choking, no more sweet angel voices promising me a world they cannot give. There will be nothing. And that’s all I want.
2 comments
You make a pretty good analogy. Yeah I sometimes feel the same way. that it would be best if the end of me just came and came quickly. but I am holding on to what little I have and hoping that something changes for the better. good luck to you
Thanks, oddly enough, the one thing I could use is “good luck”. I’ve lived my entire life fighting for every success, struggling for every smile, and I’m completely worn out. Unable to save myself any more. I don’t think love can do anything for me, but since I’ve never had a stroke of good luck I can’t rule that out. All the same I won’t be counting on it