Missing My Love

I guess that suicide can be considered selfish. People are left behind who will be hurt by it. This is a fact. I’m less sure it is always more selfish than other things people do–often, the whole of life is lived without much devotion to the welfare of others. This can happen even when it doesn’t seem to apply, that is, when the person under consideration appeared to be a saint, the sturdiest and best person in the world. Because the memory of a person never reproduces what that person was actually like. Because the reality of a person includes contents of that person’s mind that were private, experience known only to that person and not accessible to others. So, the outsiders, no matter how intimate they are, must form their image of a person based on incomplete information. I think this is a fact of life that doesn’t work to our advantage as humans.

But really, expecting that a person will never abandon obligations to significant others no matter the circumstance is not very realistic in the first place. Some people, probably a minority, can meet that standard–then we call them “high quality” people who possess emotional “maturity.” I can’t meet the standard, however, since I am not a particularly good person. We call people who can’t meet the devotional demands “low quality” or “immature.” Yet the latter kind of person is more common, given that human beings were “designed” to get a specific set of tasks, like reproducing and transmitting culture, done within a finite lifetime where ugly compromises become necessary.

Our society maintains an absolute taboo against suicide and declares that everyone must soldier on even when they view their own situations as untenable. We don’t even do that much to encourage planning for adversity or for the end of life, which we instead assume will continue forever as it does today. That’s okay in a way, because society needs to ensure morale keeps up when the going gets tough. But a consequence is that people are required to keep certain negative thoughts private. Perhaps these can be discussed with a counselor, yet a therapist’s encouraging words don’t always substitute for concrete changes in life circumstances that may well get beyond reach. This remains true even if personal problems are a person’s own fault. Once the mistake or bad thing is done, it can’t be undone regardless of who was blameworthy for it.

I know I shouldn’t be preaching here–I’m not competent to do so and I don’t help anyone thereby. However, posting here in a public forum does invite commentary.

Life is not about happiness. Carefree childhoods were invented only recently, as technical progress in the economy rendered them feasible. However, I will wish that the best luck on this planet may come to you in your efforts.