Next month it will be a year that she left my side. She didn’t give me life, but filled me with life. If Nate would have just let me be i would be with her.
Loss is such a painful part of life. I still don’t understand why the people i need in my life are taken from me in such horrid ways. My daughter would be getting her license this year. I can’t believe i only had eight days with her, but i wouldn’t change those days for anything in the world.
I suppose i am lucky that i have turned all my pain into a force inside me.
My cousin and grandfather molested me my mother is severely bipolar and called me a slut the day i finally let it all out. My baby died after eight days. My father died before i was born and i never saw his picture until last summer. I lost the only real mother i had last summer. I need her in my life i yearn to touch her to hear her voice. Just one more time.
I have two boys now. They are beautiful in every way but because of my screwed up childhood i can’t be one of those parents always hugging and kissing them. I want to so bad. But I’m afraid if i do they will be ripped away too.
So, i choose to live my life somewhere in the middle of this existence. Fight for every single breath i can draw. And know i love just as fiercely as anyone else. I have the right to fight for my life. I have the right to walk on this earth. My life is my own and i control how i feel not the people around me!
7 comments
Very sorry to hear about this loss.
Thank you. Btw, i love your screen name. I do Egyptian belly dance, so i think its pretty cool.
Although the past is a part of you, it does not have to define you. I am very sorry for your loss, there is nothing worse than the loss of a child, but if your boys were ripped from you would you not wish you would have hugged and kissed them as often as you could have. How can you walk forward without stumbling if you are looking behind you?
Ashley, hello sweetie
I do hug and kids them, i didn’t mean i never do i just beat myself up because I’m not one of those moms or even wives that does it multiple times a day. I was forced to do that when i was a kid and i feel like it’s not something to just say it do. So when i do say it i truly mean it. Does that make sense? Lol
I wish i could do it like other people do, but i tend to show my love in the things i do for them. For example i don’t buy costumes or party supplies, i make them all. To me, putting my time into stuff like that shows someone how much i care by making it special. Or out of the blue we just pack a lunch and drive to Seattle or the mountains to play in the snow.
You are correct about looking behind you. But i also look at it as a place to draw strength from. If i make it out made it through that then why can’t i make it t through the next stumbling block.
🙂
You sound like one of the best moms in the whole world and the world needs more people like you. I am glad you made it through your struggles, as much as it hurts every day, to share yourself with others. You are truly beautiful.
That means a lot to me. You are quite special yourself. Reaching out to someone you don’t know takes courage…thank you!
sad to hear ,
i hope it’ll be ok soon …
life sucks if u let it to …
uh should move smwhr else .. have a fresh start ..i noe its close to impossible but it is possible ..
Talk to some doctor maybe they could help .
i hope life gets well for you soon
take care :’)
I totally agree #World needs people like you#
so don’t ever break .. carry on …it’ll be fine