So ive not been working for the last few days I’ve called in sick and tried to explain to my boss whats happening even though I don’t know myself… its so hard for someone to grasp when they haven’t been through it.Â
I hate feeling so empty and scared. I don’t want to see anyone or do anything, yet I know if I dont go back to work how will I survive? Its so hard 🙁
11 comments
Yes, throughout my adult life I’ve always wanted to cease to exist, especially at night, I just feel so empty.
Same here. Sometimes I think im mad but most of the time I just know im not supposed to be here anymore, ive reached my limit and can no longer carry on pretending. There is a deep unhappiness in me which is never going away. I wish I was stronger but there it is. I have many good things in my life but none stop me feeling like this…
The question is, do you feel bad enough to actually end it all, I don’t know yet myself but I struggle so much with getting on with life and everyday seems a little worse for me, but then I’ll have a good day that I’ve enjoyed but my depression soon returns.
Omg thats exactly me too. Yeah I can have distractions every now and then but always deep down I have a wretched feeling like despair. I dont know any other way to describe it. I know now that if I live ill spend rest of my life like this. I have been researching pain free ways but obvs wont discuss that here… I just do not want to be part of the world anymore. Its such a shame 🙁
Nias you sound like u feel a little like I do… does it comfort you to know u r not alone?
yes, it does help. I don’t know what the difference is between me, or us, and those whose have a satisfying life, I try to act like them, confident, smiley and jokey but I alway feel empty when I’m on my own, even when I’m in a relationship I feel alone. Like you I know it’ll be a permanent part of my life but I don’t really want that.
No I don’t want that either. I want to be at peace. Ive already dealt with the whole “selfish” issue but although I know some people will be devastated, I will not stay alive for other people I dont see why I should be alive and miserable. Work is getting more and more of a challenge and I’m becoming more and more antisocial
It’s definately not selfish, I, too, agree with that; friends won’t understand is also true but people who don’t experience these problems don’t know how it feels to just to want to not live anymore. I keep asking myself what will make me happy in life, as I no doubt you have too, but knowing my past is one of emptiness, and that’s the key word here, I can’t see it changing, I’ll laugh and have fun but that darkness will always come back to me. Talking of antisocial, I feel more resentful of people who do seem to enjoy themselves and their lives instead of being happy that they are not suffering like me.
Yeah, I can say I know exactly how that is. I watch this zombie tv show called The Walking Dead. And it’s as if I’m already a zombie. Just dead inside, walking around without real purpose, joy or answers to who I am, why I’m here, and why I feel nothing but an overwhelming sadness. I might be at work and outwardly put on a fake smile, have a few laughs when it’s called for. Deep down though I’m engulfed by such a darkness. Leaves me feeling hallow, numb, alone and inevitably suicidal at times. I’m in an endless cycle that will not stop. Worst part of all, no one seems to even notice. I might as well be invincible to those around me. I’ve stopped caring about my appearance, I was already skinny, and I’ve lost more weight. I have become about as anti social as one can become..and yet not a single person notices. Not even my family.
You have just described me exactly. Why do we have to feel like this? It isnt fair I just want to be happy but something wont let me. Everyday is a battle. I got up to go to work today amd had a panic attack because I just cant deal with anyone I want to be alone. I still feel horrible now and I hate it.
And yes, I feel resentful of happy people too. All I ever wanted was a family of my own but thats not going to happen now, what a waste of a life.