First attempt failed guess I will try again.

My life certainly changed after two attempts to overdose and kill myself. First time I ended up having stomach lavage and activated charcoal. Direct admission to a psychiatric unit. Somehow I managed to get out and back home, until I overdosed again. This time I was monitored in cardiac unit in case the drugs I took would have caused heart problems. Nothing like that happened. Back to the same psychiatric unit again and then later follow-up in local mental health outpatient clinic. While I was in hospital, I decided to take up smoking, but strong medications and lighting a cigarette are never a good combination! I succeeded in burning half a head of hair, eye brows and eye lashes. It was a lot like severe sunburn, but worse because my eye got infected and again there was a visit to the emergency room (what do the medical staff in emergency think- crazy psych patient attempted to set herself in fire…?).
That amount of tablets I ingested each time was huge and I am not good in swallowing tablets. Tiny little pills get stuck in my throat.
I was depressed, had no direction in life, felt useless, unhappy, frustrated, I had quit school and was hanging around at home. They said it was an “adjustment disorder” and maybe two other diagnoses, but I can’t remember what they were. I was on medications after that too, and they added more after I got side-effects from one. I ended up taking several tablets a day, and I can’t remember if they really worked..
Had I known what I know now about 20 years later, I can say it was one of lousiest times of my life, but I should not have played with those tablets and wished they would take away my life. I wasn’t even 20 years old then. My life got momentarily worse after the two suicide attempts, but then slowly (it probably took a year..) things got better. I continued college studies in another city. Did not stay much in my parents’ house in the middle of bad memories, but that phase did not last long.
So please don’t overdose again. You may succeed, but then you may not and you will be subject to all sorts of nasty medical procedures, judgment my medical professionals (they say they never judge patients, but of course they do and treat you in a different way than someone with broken leg.. been there, done that..). You may get long term health issues, lose function of your kidneys and be hooked up to dialysis machine for the rest of your life. Your liver may fail and you become a transplant candidate. Possibly. I am not sure if you can be on transplant list if you have destroyed your liver yourself.
Just wait. I don’t know how old you are, but you still have life ahead of you. Just wait and see how life unfolds. You’ll make new friends. If you still have outpatient treatment, speak to social worker or someone who can recommend group therapy/activities. If you like animals, consider them your friends. They don’t judge you. If your meds are working and you are feeling better, please give it a chance and see how you feel.
I made friends in the local “day care” program, which was aimed at people with mental health issues.. yes, just for people like me, and I was super happy to find one person, who wanted to be my friend. One was and is better than none.
No, you will not be labeled for life. Where I am now, is 1000’s of miles from where I was living 20 years ago and no one here knows what happened. My mind tells me and reminds me of what happened sometimes, but most of the time I manage to talk myself out of it because that experience such long time ago does not have long reaching arms that I’d let it spoil my life anymore.
Please write here again and let us know how you are doing. You have at least one friend now.