I hate life everything about it I can’t honestly tell you something I genuinely like about it. Life hurts me so much that I’m afraid to even live it because I know the pain will come. Im afraid to let anyone in, to love, to trust, to believe. Because I see things negative and I don’t think I can change that, happiness is temporary and pain is forever. I’m afraid that I won’t make it through the next branch of pain so I don’t want to let go of this one. I don’t want to be happy that way I won’t feel the pain of loosing it. Theres this guy I know I think I love him I know I did at one point but I’ve shut all good things out. He’s lost like me now maybe worse I don’t know but I can’t save him and he can’t save me. I didn’t think that he cared or that he even loved me. But I saw it yesterday, I had been sad and really needed a hug and for some reason I asked him to just shut up and please hug me. And he did, he asked why and I didn’t answer I just fought away the tears. It didn’t last long, then again those things never do it was time to leave so I pulled myself together. As I was leaving he came to me to give me another hug and I gave him a kiss. I don’t think my heart ever truly broke until that very moment. It was then that I realized that we love and care about each other, but we just can never be together. I feel so alone like I’m such a fuck up like I can’t do this.
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3 comments
You are not a fuck up! Believe it or not, you are a gift into this world. I know that sounds cliche but I reckon its true. Yeah lifes a *****, throwing us all these complications and obstacles to get over. Just know that you are not fighting this alone, we are all going through the same thing. But definitely do not give up, not now. You never know, something good may happen in the end (: Head up and put on a smile, even if you have to fake it. You’re worth it!
I feel the same wayy. ..i dont let anyone in n when i do its the wrong ones..tat gor some reason or another e can never b together n it sux. .it seriously doess. ..
You are not a fuck up, wanting love and happiness (or craving it at subconscious level without wanting it) is not a bad thing. I don’t know the circumstances and why the two of you can never be together, but i agree with not being able to save him/you thing. I think one can support other people and other people can support you, help you… but saving yourself is something only you can do. I relate hugely to the holding on to the pain (it’s all i do mentally these days), i hope at least you can let go of it eventually and be happy.