I’m sorry

It’s oddly werid really,

how the sorrow comes back after every laugh,

The slight stinging sensation,

Prickling my numbing hurt.

I loved her, I really do,

She was my all , my everything , the love of my life,

and everything that I could ask for,

I promised to protect her forever , and yet it was me who made that promise a never.

I hurt her, I caused her worry, I made her grieve,

All because of my twisted thoughts, my twisted ways and twisted being.

I ruined her, her present ,her future,

And there’s nothing I can do apart from saying a miserable ” I’m sorry” that can never help with anything.

She smiles, she comforts me , she tells me not to worry,

And yet I can see the cracks, the sorrow beneath those orbs, the harm that I’ve done her wrong,

And I know that therr is nothing I can do to change that.

She hardly laughs anymore,

Worry lies forming at her forehead and she frowns.

I know that she’s putting on a mask for me ,

but it breaks me more to see her so broken, and I feel as though I should be sentenced to an eternity of torment for hurting her , for making her cry ,for being so selfish that I never disappear from her eyes.

I’m guilty, my love is tainted, and it feels as though I’ve dirtied her with my hands,

I scrub my skin till it bleeds but I can’t scrub off the dirt that’s on my hands,

I’ve fallen so far and sunken so much that it seems that I’ll never see the light of day.

I’ve fallen prisoner to my thoughts,my delusions and my distorted sense of reality.

It feels as though I am sent to exile,

Barely breathing and living,

awaiting for my life long prison sentence.

I’m sorry.