Starting to feel it…

Or were you ever really whole?

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”
-C.G. Jung

“I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole.”
-C.G. Jung

“The fact that a man who goes his own way ends in ruin means nothing…He must obey his own law, as if it were a daemon whispering to him of new and wonderful paths…There are not a few who are called awake by the summons of the voice, whereupon they are at once set apart from the others, feeling themselves confronted with a problem about which the others know nothing. In most cases it is impossible to explain to the others what has happened, for any understanding is walled off by impenetrable prejudices. “You are no different from anybody else,” they will chorus or, “there’s no such thing,” and even if there is such a thing, it is immediately branded as “morbid”…He is at once set apart and isolated, as he has resolved to obey the law that commands him from within. “His own law!” everybody will cry. But he knows better: it is the law…The only meaningful life is a life that strives for the individual realization–absolute and unconditional–of its own particular law…To the extent that a man is untrue to the law of his being…he has failed to realize his own life’s meaning.
The undiscovered vein within us is a living part of the psyche; classical Chinese philosophy names this interior way “Tao,” and likens it to a flow of water that moves irresistibly towards its goal. To rest in Tao means fulfillment, wholeness, one’s destination reached, one’s mission done; the beginning, end, and perfect realization of the meaning of existence innate in all things.”
-C.G. Jung

“The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self. You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself. Only this experience can give you an indestructible foundation.”
-C.G. Jung

“I don’t aspire to be a good man. I aspire to be a whole man.”
-C.G. Jung

“It is under all circumstances an advantage to be in full possession of one’s personality, otherwise the repressed elements will only crop up as a hindrance elsewhere, not just at some unimportant point, but at the very spot where we are most sensitive. If people can be educated to see the shadow-side of their nature clearly, it may be hoped that they will also learn to understand and love their fellow men better. A little less hypocrisy and a little more self-knowledge can only have good results in respect for our neighbor; for we are all too prone to transfer to our fellows the injustice and violence we inflict upon our own natures.”
-C.G. Jung

“The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected. Only the wounded physician heals”
-C.G. Jung

“A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.”
-C.G. Jung

“The secret is that only that which can destroy itself is truly alive.”
-C.G. Jung

well, i pretty much cherry pick the parts i think are relevant to any given situation. There were a few more, but… it’s already a rather large list of quotes.

You’re talking about being lonely, and he says a lot about the appreciation of solitude, and how it can help you learn things you otherwise might never consider.

I certainly understand the desire for a someone… but, at least partially like you said above, i don’t want to put myself out there like that, to make myself vulnerable to people i’m not comfortable trusting. Honestly, it’s quite rare for me to encounter anyone i feel comfortable with; not because i’m “picky” or “judgmental,” but because i know myself well enough, and have lots of experience with “reading people,” so, and because, i want to identify irreconcilable incompatibilities before i get hurt by them (and secondarily, to avoid also wasting the other person’s time).

I think the best thing you can do is try to shed that need for another, embrace your loneliness, try to better understand it, live by your own law, explore your “shadow,” pass through the fires of those passions (e.g. the need for another), in order to conquer them. In so doing, you’re also becoming the “doctor” who can heal loneliness, because he’s been there, and has a personal understanding of how it works.

I worry that what you crave cannot be found in another person… though we’re all lead to believe that is the only way it can be found.

As long as you allow for there to be a tomorrow, there can be. Maybe tomorrow you will be ready to put yourself in the position to find, and be found by, a person such as you seek. Maybe tomorrow you will be more interested in an inward journey… or to embrace that highest, most decisive experience for which you are not ready, today.

Try to enjoy what you’re doing.

“Freedom of will is the ability to do gladly that which I must do.”
-C.G. Jung