Why Does EVERYONE Leave at Once?

Does anyone ever feel this way?  i can be going good, then ONCE AGAIN, i find myself being taken advantage of for trying to help others, only to be critically used in the end, OR completely ignored by an entire facet of my family….always have been…and then they sit around and wonder what is wrong with ME?,,,when they refuse to have me over, state my house is too small, so refuse to come here.  i hate the judgement and games they play.  Neighbor wants to constantly use me…does help me at times (as i need/appreciate assistant due to my chronic pain issues) but just found out she is running her mouth to others about “precious her and all the things she NEEDS to do for me”….well, she can play Mother Theresa to someone else.  i wont be bought.  I thought we could sincerely help each other out. (i drive and she doesnt)…but she keeps score of every little thing, blabs to others and then expects me to sit on the phone for hours…everyday, listening to her woes.  She provides too much contact, she stress me, i need to be alone sometimes.  so, she is gone, b/c i wont play the game by her rules.  it just seems trinket by trinket, person by person is gone…once again and i dont have the energy, time or right mind set to TRY to start it all over again.  Some of these people i loved are dead, gone forever….there is no replacement available.  i just want to die soon and hope to be with them on the other-side….b/c the ones on this side use and abuse me and obviously dont want me here, other than someone to kick around.  i’ve tried suicide about 10 times, pills (different combos) never work. tried the carbon monoxide thing…i guess it is impossible as most cars have catalitic converters and i dont know how to take that off or apart or whatever is necessary…(i long for a car from the 70;s), tried to even drown…crazy. NONE of this stuff works!  so i continually investigate new ways.  Just can stand being alone, yet i ALWAYS end up in this position. ALWAYS!!  and i hate it…no way i can stop it and no way i’ll put up with the trash way others treat me…i have no choice.  BE FOREVER ALONE…AND TRY TO DO A GOOD SUICIDE….SOON!!!!!