shouldnt I just kill myself

My life is perfect today.This depression is deafening. I cant see a thing. My vision is blurred. All I can dream of is death, I just in no way can tolerate one more day, I willingly want to die but I feel im being selfish. Im so much hurt that death looks beautiful. I need the stable peace, I have tried twice this time im jumping off a high building if I can have access to one. Im yet to complete my suicide note. I dont want to hurt my family, but I know im doing it very soon.. everything in my life is in place its my mental illness thats paralysing. Im going mad im going insane. Im losing my mind. Im constantly listening to suicidal music. Im not sad Im just tired.. Im physically and mentally drained. I dont want to hurt anyone I have seen researched well for years and im finally ready to do it.. I want to run away from people. I hate people. I want to hide. I dont want to see tomorrow Iam so useless and worthless im unlucky in love, im a sagittarius since depression hit me at the young age of 13 I have been feeling this way.. its been seven years, im on medication my doctor thinks its normal to want to jump off a skyscraper.. he said its not a serious issue. His medications are increasing serotonin to my brain so im feeling good on them. On one hand I want to forget suicidal thought and live life to the fullest make effort to dress up and shower. And on the other hand I want to die so badly. Im caught between these two thoughts one positive another negative im so confused im always confused over everything. Im torn between the two choices, both look good.