why was I born?

Okay so, I’m here to tell people how horrible my life is and what it feels like to be living in hell.

*WARNING I MIGHT USE SWEAR WORDS

Now let us get to the main point, I’m a middle schooler. (I’m not telling any other info about me)

I’ll put the conclusions first.
I WANT TO DIE.

We got that out of the way now, let’s get to the main main point.

It probably started like 5 years ago? Maybe 3.
I don’t clearly remember what happend and what started it but it did. My mom has mental problems.

She thinks that she’s being “stalked” and her phone/computer being “hacked” to see what websites she use.

Just hearing this sounds like a big problem, but it gets worse.

My mom doesn’t use violence too much but she could be at times.

The oldest memory I have of her being violent is when I was 5 y/o.

Mom and dad were having a fight. Being a 5 year old, I didn’t understand anything they said, but all I knew was that they were fighting, and it was bad.

I also have a younger brother who was with me at the scene.

We screamed and cried and begged for them to stop but there were no signs of it stopping.

Then when we realised we were at the front door.

Suprisingly, mom started pushing and kicking dad saying “GET OUT”

By that time my brother I were in fear, sadness, and confusion.

This is all I could remember about it.

And now, moving back foward, what’s worse about mom’s condition is that she suspects her own BLOOD-RELATED FAMILY for the “stalking” and “hacking”.

Every few days she would say “Heh… I wonder what kind of shitty people are doing this”

Or

“Why do I have to be the target?”

After 3years of listening to this, I got used to it, but the first few times I was furious. I got so mad I kicked a hole on the wall. (It rhymes XD) ((#sorrynotsorry))

Anyways, even though I say ‘I got used to it’, it still irritates me when she suspects the family about it.

Also today, (8/18/2014) she said “have I been deceived all this time by you (my name)?”

I couldn’t hold it back. I slammed the door and kicked the chair but stopped. Thinking that doing this is stupid, and that she’s saying it because of her mental problems.

If this was you, could you have stayed alive until middle school? Or would you have commited suiside?

I’VE WORKED SO HARD TRYING NOT TO COMMIT SUISIDE.

Once, my mom tried to KILL me. Seriously, who does that? I was so scared but thankfuly I didn’t die. If I dies there, I would’ve pitied myself.

I just want to die now…. Someone please help me…