Disappointment

I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling. I am 20 now, and a lot has changed for the better. I have ADHD, which made social interaction a huge pain in the ass for most of my middle and high school life- I always said what I thought with no filter. I’m sure you know the feeling- Interjecting into a conversation, but you said the wrong thing or seemed annoying and got passed over or laughed at. This will pass, as long as you keep trying, and learning from the types of things you say and how it makes people react. Be yourself and act with confidence. Think this over- If you act without confidence, people will see it and assume it is because you are insecure, i.e. something is “wrong” with you and you yourself know it. This gives them ammunition because they see a chink in your armor. Obviously, getting mocked and gossiped about hurts, which undermines your confidence, which drives home the insecurities. You know how all the douchey and mean kids are the popular ones? It’s because people mistake their condescension for confidence! I’m not saying be a douche or a bully, but act with confidence even if you don’t always feel that way or end up being wrong sometimes. People will gravitate towards that. Switching gears… What subject is your math class? I made a lot of use out of khanacademy.com. It has videos and examples on just about any subject in high school, and a lot of college courses too. Middle and high school are hard, everyone is trying to fit in and because everyone’s bodies are changing differently, people compare each other. You still have a lot of changing physiology ahead, and that’s a good thing! Every single one of the people you know know in school will be a memory in college- you can reinvent yourself, find new friends, and not feel judged by anyone. Don’t let your math teacher believe you are stupid- prove to him you aren’t by studying hard and doing well. I feel like I learned better when I decided not to give a shit about the flak the teacher would give me for asking a “simple”‘ question, if you are paying attention, and you don’t understand, you have the right to say, “pause please, I don’t get it, could you explain this part again, or differently?” If he gives you flak for asking about something, that’s his problem and not your fault. Just take the heat, shrug it off, and keep learning.