no hope

Infected, we have so much in common. I went through all of that myself. Found out the man I thought was my father, wasn’t. My real biological father agreed to meet me (I was very young when they divorced) so it was literally like meeting him for the first time. He stood me up, and I never heard from him since. My stepfather was very abusive to me and my brothers. I walked on egg shells for more years than I ever care to imagine or think about. It left me angry and bitter for a very long time. As an adult, I have since forgiven him, and he has changed his ways, but I don’t think there will ever be a day I will feel at ease being around him. Even as a grown man, I do not feel or will I ever feel comfortable around my step father. I’m thankful he provided for me (food, clothes etc) but I don’t and will never consider him as a father or dad. Only as a provider. My biological father never tried to make contact with me after that. I’ve since researched and found out he died a few years after standing me up. I look back now and wonder if he also struggled with depression and anxiety. I will never know. I said all that to let you know, I know how you must be feeling. Trapped comes to mind. I can’t promise life will be rainbows and butterflies, but the situation you’re in won’t last forever. I hope things turn around for you. If I can offer up some advice, seek help. Before you let anger and bitterness take hold of your life. It’s to late for me to take back all those years of anger and resentment. It’s not for you. I wish you the best my friend.