I have been thinking about suicide very frequently the past few weeks. Perplexingly, I’m not depressed now, but ending my life on my terms seems incredibly sensible.
I forgot to leave my email. (kursk6071@gmail). If anyone feels like chatting this evening I would very much appreciate it. Especially anyone with a past NDE that they could share. I am more than a bit scared about what’s going to happen tonight. The great mystery and all. I hope something wonderful is waiting for us, when we die but I suspect it’s going to just a jump into total absolute oblivion. Bible bangers please do not apply
Hello stranger,
I do hope you’ll forgive yet another pointless eyesore distracting from your conversations. That’s all I expect most of you to read anyway, so feel free to disregard the rest of this rant.
The few times I manage to click on Publish instead of Move to Trash I question what good it did. How can I expect a perfect stranger to give two shits about what I have to say when the people I’ve know for years don’t? The truth is that I don’t. I don’t know why I continue to try.
I’ve lurked in the shadows long enough to know that there are a few […]
Well, I just bought two 8.9 cu3 party time tanks, tubing and some old O2 lines. I intend to put it all together tonight and give it a try. I believe that I can make it work. I have no one to say good bye too. If anyone out there wouldn’t mind I sure would like to say goodbye to someone. God I am so depressed about this. Itht really is harder then you would think. Going that last bit seems much harder then I anticipated. I am going to do it though, even if I have to cry myself through it. Well, thanks for letting me wine a […]
Yep. Maybe it’s because I have so many things wrong with me. I’m not hiding behind them, I like to think not, anyway. I’m true to my feelings, and am kind of brutal sometimes. Usually, I say what’s on other people’s minds. I feel bad. I can’t figure myself out. I’m mean to those who intimidate me, and sometimes, I’m just mean for no reason – usually when I’m manic – which is no excuse. I don’t forgive those who have hurt because I’m afraid they’ll only do it again. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I wish I was pre-rape me. I was super […]
On 14 May 2014, I died. This was my 9th attempt and first success. I didn’t want to come back. But, yet again, I was denied of what I wanted most of all: to be free of all the pain, suffering, bipolar/PTSD and abuse I’ve endured for over 30 years. People called me selfish. Maybe so, but when you’ve lost everything that mattered, everyone you loved, even though they didn’t love you, being abandoned, rejected, your brain fucking with you on a daily basis, and you fight every single day to get through it, death is the only way out. I’m done with shrinks, the […]
to be awake right now. or ever. I just want to die without him here:( I have never felt so hopeless in my 24 miserable years on this stupid planet. I want to take benadryl to sleep, but what if he calls me, asks me to come get him…. but who am I kidding I’m meant to be stuck in this stupid apartment all alone forever. I just wish I were never born
Hey there. Did you miss me? Probably not.
A friend of mine convinced me to talk to him rather than post stuff here… That worked out for about a day.. and then I realised that I had too much shit and too many problems to just dump it all on him. The offer was nice at first, but.. I don’t even know how to begin talking to him.
I don’t know how to talk to anyone any more.
I don’t know how to begin telling my story, or even where to. I don’t know who’d care enough to listen or who’d just laugh in my face. I don’t […]
Oh yea, you know who you are. 🙂 And you are my world. I love you a lot!!!! 🙂
Just another slice at a slow soothing pace
Just another pill to drown that horrid face
Just another life, just another feast
I can not escape the ugly beast
It’s all reality, some say a thrilling ride
But there’s nothing thrilling about wanting to die…
Call me bleak
Call me blind
Call me weak
But you see I’ve been caught up in a daunting bind..
In this hole far to deep
80feet under I try to escape
Can’t escape a hole that never changes shape…
You feel lonely and depressed and that one person you count on to understand you tells you: “There you go PRETENDING to be all sad again” and “Fine. If you want to wallow in your miserable self-pitying then be my f*cking guest.” Just no words right now for how pissed and CRUSHED I am. This challenges me more to show him that I AM NOT PRETENDING, I want to prove that to him so bad. I am so tempted to off myself…Has someone undergone something similar? 🙁
I’m not really a touchy feely kind of guy but since she left I feel as I can’t continue. I’ve got 96 pills and two bottles of wine. I feel bad about doing it at my mothers but there’s really no other option. Gave the house to my ex. The last ten months and three weeks have been torture. I’ve only survived that long because of my son but I can’t do it any more. Imagine what it feels like to want to die but having to push on, I can’t go on any longer. I went to the doctors today. They told me to […]
The past seven years for me were filled with promises, hope and trust. Only to end with betrayal, distrust and pain. Then more repetitions. Now I’m so scared it’ll happen again. And Im also made to feel bad for being insecure and afraid. Everything somehow becomes my ‘fault’.
It’s not so fucking easy.
I’m so fed up with hurting. Can I just please lie down and die in my sleep?
Here I am at nearly 2am, still watching boring tv, still wide awake.
Ive already taken 10 mercyndol in hopes that it will make me sleepy & dull jy back pain, but all I have is a headache!
Gahh why can’t I sleep?!
I just want a easy and painless way out.
My first and only attempt I took 100, 500mg sleeping tablets and 27, 200mg painkiller tablets to slowly drift away and all that happened was I passed out in my bed then spewed all over myself while I was still passed out then when I regained consciousness my mum had found me and took me to my nearby hospital then I went out to it again and they sent me to another bigger hospital witch they put stuff down into my guts to make me spew the remainder of tablets out.
Note, I attempted on the night before […]
This is so short but seriously, I Hate School. I don’t want to go back to the place which is borderline jail. Who wants to wake up and be constantly judged for 7 whole long hours of the day? I’m fine without thank you.
Also it smells of sweat. Gross or what? I don’t know.
I’ve lived the last 5 years with severe depression and I’m sick of everything. Why should I bother anymore? To quote Macbeth; “I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as to go on.” My life is miserable at the moment, has been for a long time, and likely will be for alot longer. I’ve even found that I’m too useless to even help myself; when I make commitments to myself to make a change for the better I always break it and find that I’ll always be the coward I swore I’d never become. […]
It’s beautiful in such a twisted and haunting way, how there are so many people around the world right now; so many sad people… who are all thinking at the same time, and for their own reasons, “I want to die”. And they’re all so alone. And just a tiny handful of them, out of a sea of people, travel to this website. I wish I could hug one of you. That would be something really special.
I hope everyone makes it through tonight/today and smiles at least once.
In the last week my amazing job has stopped being amazing. I moved stores to help this store achieve success, I was told id be stepping on toes but in time it would dissipate. Now it seems the person who feels threatened by me has put in a complaint, unsure of the nature I asked and was told I couldn’t be told and that a note would be placed in my file. I’m not allowed to face my accuser or defend myself, it doesn’t make sense. Considering I was aware when I took the position that it would be hard for the older staff member […]
That’s what my life feels like. It’s that pathetic. The people I want to talk to are all there in front of me, but they’re not looking back to see me reaching out for them. I want to think that there are people behind me that would listen, but I can’t turn back to see for sure. Every once in a while the line moves enough that I get to talk to a perfect stranger, but they can’t help. So what else is there to do but go to the back of the line?