We can always make an effort. I have been in treatment for 5 months now trying to be happy again. I think we all wait for that one moment when we snap out of it. But I gradually understand that that moment won’t happen. It is a slow and tough process.
I know it’s difficult and you have to know you are not alone. Even starting to talk to someone about how you feel is a step in the process! Don’t pretend. Tell people how you feel. Maybe you have someone you feel will understand or make an effort to support you?
I’d said over the past 6 months I’ve been really genuinely searching for happiness. I’m doing things I’ve never done before. Trying to break the mold. I bought a kayak and I’m just trying to get back to nature. It seems to help some. I’ve been visiting local state parks and hiking. Weekends are about the only time I can do this as I have a ”9 to 5”. It takes truly reinventing the wheel. If you try to be happpy, and you find yourself doing the same things you did before, you’re going to end up back at square one. And honestly, I don’t know if I can find/create my own happiness. Because for me, everything is a cycle. I might have a short break from my torment, and for me it feels like happiness. I’ll start to feel good again, for the first time in a long time. And I think things are turning around in my favor. And the next day the cycle changes, and I find myself being dragged right back down in the same hole I’ve been fighting to get out of. For me, it’s trying to break this cycle. And I don’t know if I’m capable of doing it alone. If all my efforts don’t pay off. I’m left with two outcomes. Come clean with my friends and family on how I’m really doing, and seek help. Or meet my maker. I’ve sought help before, and I always feel like I’m just a number/paycheck to those people.
-‘Phylu’ I always thought and think that one day I’ll wake up and be fully happy again..
-‘Anunnaki’.. what is the right emotion?
-‘AfflictedSmile’… I think I should do that too.. or try to no matter how I’m feeling, since my best friend told me that I’m not making an effort to pull myself together, I can barely admit to my boyfriend who just lost he’s dad to cancer a few months ago that I’m near suicide…
I guess I’ll try to try more
For me, it’s something specific in my life that makes me miserable. It’s something that won’t go away and I am constantly reminded about. So for me, even if I wanted to try to be happy, I basically wouldn’t be allowed to.
6 comments
We can always make an effort. I have been in treatment for 5 months now trying to be happy again. I think we all wait for that one moment when we snap out of it. But I gradually understand that that moment won’t happen. It is a slow and tough process.
I know it’s difficult and you have to know you are not alone. Even starting to talk to someone about how you feel is a step in the process! Don’t pretend. Tell people how you feel. Maybe you have someone you feel will understand or make an effort to support you?
Happiness might not even be the right emotion that is being sought during depression.
I’d said over the past 6 months I’ve been really genuinely searching for happiness. I’m doing things I’ve never done before. Trying to break the mold. I bought a kayak and I’m just trying to get back to nature. It seems to help some. I’ve been visiting local state parks and hiking. Weekends are about the only time I can do this as I have a ”9 to 5”. It takes truly reinventing the wheel. If you try to be happpy, and you find yourself doing the same things you did before, you’re going to end up back at square one. And honestly, I don’t know if I can find/create my own happiness. Because for me, everything is a cycle. I might have a short break from my torment, and for me it feels like happiness. I’ll start to feel good again, for the first time in a long time. And I think things are turning around in my favor. And the next day the cycle changes, and I find myself being dragged right back down in the same hole I’ve been fighting to get out of. For me, it’s trying to break this cycle. And I don’t know if I’m capable of doing it alone. If all my efforts don’t pay off. I’m left with two outcomes. Come clean with my friends and family on how I’m really doing, and seek help. Or meet my maker. I’ve sought help before, and I always feel like I’m just a number/paycheck to those people.
say*
-‘Phylu’ I always thought and think that one day I’ll wake up and be fully happy again..
-‘Anunnaki’.. what is the right emotion?
-‘AfflictedSmile’… I think I should do that too.. or try to no matter how I’m feeling, since my best friend told me that I’m not making an effort to pull myself together, I can barely admit to my boyfriend who just lost he’s dad to cancer a few months ago that I’m near suicide…
I guess I’ll try to try more
For me, it’s something specific in my life that makes me miserable. It’s something that won’t go away and I am constantly reminded about. So for me, even if I wanted to try to be happy, I basically wouldn’t be allowed to.