It’s been such a long time. Just by being back here I feel all the hidden pain come rushing to the surface. It’s fimilar, almost comforting.
I’m ashamed to be here. Understanding my depression, and facing it head on, was my greatest downfall in life. Yet somehow, I tamed the beast. I lived two years of happiness. Oh god, it was purely amazing. Looking back, it was remarkable, something I’d never thought possible. I cannot say that I’m angry it’s over, there’s no self pity here. I am grateful for the time I was given. I always knew in the back of my mind, that my depression coming back was a possibility.
Oddly enough I welcome it back. The joyous state of mind was all too alien.
I’ve never had any desire to live, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to take my own life. Those who take their lives have no idea of the impact they cause. I understand you’re in pain, and it feels as though you’re stuck in his massive fishbowl called life. You feel as though not a soul in this world gives a damn about you, that you’re alone, but you’re wrong. If anything at least live for yourself. To the ones who said you couldn’t make it, prove them wrong. Live, and live large.
I Didn’t have a particular direction I wanted this post to go in. I had to type something, anything. All this raw emotion built up inside of me.
Fuck
2 comments
Hey. Do you know what caused the 2 years of happiness and why your back to being depressed?
I understand what you mean when you say the happiness seems alien after a while and that the depression is almost like a sick twisted comfort. I’m struggling with the same thing right now, having days where the world is like a brilliant ray of light and others where I just want to sink into the oblivion.
I can’t say it gets any easier or that there is a right thing to do (I’d be a huge hypocrite), but since you did manage to have two years of happiness, like searching4hope1982 asked, do you have any idea what brought it back? Maybe you can reach out to someone that helped you overcome it the first time and work towards that happiness again (if you want)?
Either way, I wish you the best of luck