In the past few months I slipped into a deeper than my usual constant state of depression and decided ‘that’s it, either I die or I stop living like this.’
I went to my doctor for sleeping problems and was prescribed Trazadone. It’s made me improve a noticeable amount, at least with sleep. I thought maybe I could get better, but what do I look up tonight? I want to kill myself. A third of my life’s been shadowed by depression and I’m tired. The second I got the prescription to the pharmacy I was looking up overdosing on it. Would I be easy, would it hurt?
Would my mother loose her mind with grief, would my friends be able to handle my death. Could I stand to sleep in the silver box at the morgue and watch them flay me like a fish?
I want to die, but I don’t want to make a mess. If I had a gun I’d use it, alas I do not. So I’ll keep my Trazadone in mind for a night that may never come, and hope I can down a bottle without my throat closing and my stomach pushing against me. If that alone won’t work, I’ll jam a fork in the electric outlet too.
Then maybe I can sleep forever.
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6 comments
then what has the two third of your life been shadowed with? It’s just a third, you surely don’t want to give up to it.
overdosing on sleeping pills has a very low rate of success unfortunately. 🙁
I know :/
I’ve researched this a lot. It has to be done with other substances. But nothing that will make you throw up. That’s the tricky part.
I understand your feeling, I had my rope last night strung up and was testing different positions for the knot. I once again stopped myself or froze up. I’ve been wanting to sleep forever for many years as well. The only things in life I truly want due to being fucked up I can’t seem to get love friendship and acceptance.
Been there done that. I’ve tried overdosing with 300 mixture of sleeping pills and antidepressants.
I was unconscious for 3days and woke up in the hospital bed. And got a pneumonia. I had to spend 2weeks in ICU…it was painful. Find another way. Pills don’t work :(((
( Plz excuse my grammar it’s not my language 🙂
Now that I’m a little more experienced if I tried again I’d dissolve the pills in water for full potency, and combine with other methods like I said. First time I OD’d I didn’t take enough and my body just shook uncontrollably. Didn’t even pass out. I felt so gyped.