I always say I am keeping my suicide card in my pocket in case all else fails. I always tell myself once things have gone too far or are unbearable I will have a way out. In the past it has given me the courage I needed to take a chance or operate outside of my comfort zone. Today is one of the days where I think about cashing it in and making use of the “card”. Nothing is easy I get that. Living isn’t easy but neither is dying. Attempts at either option can make matters worse. I truly am trying very hard to live BUT I don’t want to.
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I know what you mean, I’ve been doing the same a lot lately. Right now it’s “Oh, well if I don’t get accepted into college then I’ll just use the tuition money to go somewhere and kill myself”. I’m honestly just sick of everything in general and unless I’m backed into a corner, I don’t think I’d have the willpower to go through with it.