After seven months- I relapsed on alcohol. My professors have told me that I’m not committed and won’t get a job despite my A’s and being on the Dean’s list. I cried all day yesterday, I can’t take it. So much pressure, I had stopped thinking of suicide when I entered a university because I felt like finally I found something that makes me happy. Finally I’m doing something to take away the thoughts. And now I’ve been fucking terrible at every little thing and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore and I don’t want to fucking care. So now I’m thinking of going back to the slits I haven’t made in years, and contemplate if I want to make one deep enough to end these thoughts.
1 comment
Wait, you haven’t even finished effing up college yet? Give yourself a break. Get back on that wagon and ride it to graduation, whether or not you disappoint yourself along the way. (Unless of course you have students loan; in that case, run away fast and get vocational training instead.) You are privileged…see if you can’t make something of that before you check out. You have lots of opportunities, even if you haven’t yet stumbled upon them.