Lately things have been going haywire for the past few months, and I have finally reached the point where I’m ready to seek help. However things are a bit complicated… and I am unable to receive the help I am quite in desperate need of right now…
I have been depressed for well over a decade to varying extents. Double depression has become somewhat of a norm, I suppose. There have been many times over this period where I have thought I have reached my ‘absolute’ low – and now is certainly not one of them.
Things have just gotten out of control… so much so that I believe that I am unable to fish myself out this time…
I suppose I have reached the point. That point. The pivotal one which determines if a person is able to turn everything around and try to live a normal life. This feels like my last chance before I have to give in to a life which indefinitely consumed by depression…
But, things are complicated… I am ready for help, it’s just not in the stars at the moment…
6 comments
If you want someone to talk to, email me.
Thank you for your kind offer.
I’m gonna save myself trouble this morning not writing a post exactly like this one…because this is exactly what I’m going through.
I want so bad to get better.. and I’m so scared that’s all over now and that it isn’t going to happen no matter how hard I try.
I hope it’s not too late for you, really
We need to beat this, we HAVE TO beat this
“We WILL beat this!”
I sincerely wish that I could have read what you were planning to write. It is really nice to know that someone out there right now is going through the same thing. However, at the same time, I do feel more than a bit devastated that you have go through all of this too.
I wish you all the best, and hope that you find a way out of this super soon.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m all ears.
I don’t believe that there is a “point” where you suddenly turn it around. Like me, you seem to suffer chronic depression. I believe that it is a matter of dealing with it and some how managing to soldier on. You can’t erase all those years of loneliness, depression and hate. Unfortunately, every time I think I can some how deal with my current situation, I get hit by a massive truck and plunge straight back into darkness.
Being able to talk with others on SP about this has really been a beacon of positivity for me. Maybe this site can become one for you too…
I think you have misunderstood, Lsari. Of course nothing is going to change overnight, and what I’m saying is not about “soldiering on”. It just feels like a pivotal time – like this is the last opportunity to start doing something before I am permanently stuck in this state of depression forever (and that is no way to live). It’s like the concept of being ‘happy’ is becoming more and more unbelievable, and thus unattainable, by the day. I can only remember one time in my life where I was genuinely happy. I know that it felt good, but I don’t remember what it felt like at all – and that feeling, for me, is like trying chase ‘God’.
To put it simply, if something something isn’t done now, my capacity to be ‘normal’ or to feel ‘happiness’ in the future will be completely depleted forever and there will be no chance of pulling myself out anymore.