I consider my depression a terminal illness. Some of us battling this illness, we know we will terminate our lives one day. We are basically just waiting to die, because we can’t be saved. The darkness inside will always be there, waiting to resurface . It won’t let us be normal. It won’t let us be happy. It’s like we are slaves to this darkness. We basically sign our lives away by taking all the medication, because once you’re on antidepressants, you can’t stop taking them or else you’ll really be fucked in the head from the withdrawals. Weed is great, but it’s not like you can just go down to the store and buy it. This world is fucked up, it’s only getting worse. Why even bother? The darkness will only drag you back down.
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Just watched this interesting video on depression by Stanford profession:
“Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky, posits that depression is the most damaging disease that you can experience. Right now it is the number four cause of disability in the US and it is becoming more common. Sapolsky states that depression is as real of a biological disease as is diabetes.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc&feature=youtu.be
okay, in my search and struggle to find reasons to survive, your story jumps out at me. yeah, the darkness returns. but after fighting this thing for a lifetime, one thing i have learned is how to fight back. no, you dont beat it. but their are ways of coping and defending yourself against it to where the damage is not as severe. my decision time is here (again). all is prepared. ready. all i need is some courage to follow through. the other option is commit myself to the mental health nazis. i am a survivor of that system from the 70s. some chioces, eh. ones really no better than the other. i am against physcotropic drugs for a reason. i was one of the lab rats. have no idea what drugs they gave us. after a lifetime of drug and alcohol abuse, maybe i should go back. they pay for drug testers now,dont they?lol. you know, to you and all you who read this, please know that ,YES, you can fight that darkness. it can be beat back. it maybe never really goes away completley but their are ways to get it under control. you are stronger than it. as far as being normal, to be honest, i gave up on that long ago. and yes, happiness is possible. i know because i have experienced it. and enjoyed it. and want more of it. i, too, have the desire to be rid of whatever this is.it has ruined my entire life.