Dear Reader,
Thank you for taking a moment to read my last thoughts. It is appreciated even in death.
What did I do? I took a huge amount of pills.
Why did I do it? I couldnt stand the physical and emotional pain anymore. The stress of day to day life was too much for this fragile soul.
That being said, I will be in a better place. I know my family will miss me, but they will get over it in time. I’ve tried the “just wait, things will get better” game. It seems only those cut out for life get over these things. I’m just not meant to win in this race.
So im throwing in the towel. Why fight the inevitable? I was always going to lose in the end. At least this way I’m going out on my own decision. I can finally win at something.
Do I have regrets? A few, yes; I won’t get to go snorkeling again. My cats will miss me. I wont see the first snow of this year.
Are they important? Not compared to the pain and stress that i’ve been dealing with day after day after day.
So this is it.
My last goodbye.
21 comments
You should leave the world with no regrets, whether it is dying early or later.
May you find peace.
no. please no. i have been raped repeatedly from the ages of 6-9 by my step father. my mom was never around, she has severe moral and phycological defects. i ran away at 14 have done everything on the table and been addicted to most. later i was raped, stranngeled and thrown head 1st into a drainage ditch. ny grandfather has tried to have sex with me……in summation, i know what pain is…..call me please!!!!!! RIGHT AWAY!!!! 2565399319
Ahhhhh Cathy that’s so fucked what happened to you hey 🙁 Why the fuck people enjoy ruining other people’s lives is beyond my comprehension as to be completely unfathomable. That shit is just so common it’s unbelievable. I can’t imagine doing that to someone…fuck. I’ve had shit similar, but not as bad as you, and it just defies words and this is from people I helped too which just makes it even more of a mind fuck. I hope your ok, somehow, i don’t know how…but I hope.
did you get my message back??? please call me again
tolstoy tells us that the meaning of life is to serve humanity….you cant “write” a “rong” but kindness has a healing power far greater than any other vice i’ve found
as yet
it is not my intention to change your mind……laid bare, plain and simple, this is my intention… whatever you decide to do, please know someone, even someone as insignifgant as me, cares for you
Thank you Cathy. I appreciate it.
this is coming off corny, i’m well aware. ima wait by the phone….in my experiance i’ve found its so much easier to speak candidly with a stranger than someone you know when it comes to maters such as these….
I just… I can’t talk on the phone. I’m way better writing. But I think I need to call the praramedics now…
i am waiting. if you need to, scratch that, want to, talk i am here
please dont feel embarassed or guilty over this….im still here….i dont judge either. i hope you feel better
my email is quartney_stack@yahoo.com
if you dont i completely respect that…just post so i know you’re still here
It’s as if you were describing me….I sat in my car tonight, running with the garage doors shut and the windows rolled down….listening to music and crying out in pain waiting. After an hour, I was still conscious, still feeling the pain. Tonight wasn’t the night. I’ve thought a lot about renting a cheap motel room and taking all the pills with me that way I’m guaranteed that my children won’t be the one to find me. I hate the holidays more than any other time but my youngest two are only 9 and 12. I don’t want to ruin the rest of their holidays to come. That would be selfish of me. They will get over losing me in time.
Your words were as if I had typed them myself. I don’t want my kids to find me so I have to time it perfectly. Not only so that they won’t be the ones to find me but so that the pills will have enough time to do their work before anyone can find me and get help. I’ve thought of maybe going to my brothers grave and passing there with him. My only reservation is I don’t want any critters nipping on my face overnight.
catharsis
here still. willkeep the phone near
I understand the will and the motivation having done what your attempting to do. I understand also that at that time I wanted it so bad, so I respect your decision. Know as you go that there are some people, like me, who may not even know you gave a shit. Peace.
i’m sorry about the way i reacted when you called….you caught me off gaurd. i ment what i said tho.
may you find peace
Cathy, I don’t know how you survived or if you could ever trust another guy in your life. I want to say congratulations & my best wishes for you: “may the road rise up to met you, may the sun shine gently down upon you& may the wind be always at your back.
capricious — although your “my last goodbye” may use different words, the 2 suicide letters I wrote say pretty much the same thing. I hope you are still here & managing to hang on to life. I can’t tell you how to do it, because I don’t understand how I have managed to hang on. To take a line our of Outlaw Josey Wales – I’ve ridden out to meet 10 Bears, figuring it’s better to face death than wait for it to come to me. I haven’t conquered those feelings or thoughts. Just trying to take it one day at a time.