Interesting self-assessment at the link below. (Apologies if it was posted before.) I would say most days I’m between 6 and 7, but I have spent quite a bit of time at a higher levels than that of course (including all points right up to 10). How about you?
http://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/suicide/scale-suicide-suicidal-you/
And on that note, happy holidays everyone… yeah…
33 comments
My level on the scale varies. However, I like the website itself. She is right, the world would be less without us in it. We all matter even if we think otherwise sometimes.
I only “matter” in ways I don’t particularly care for, myself, but the overall principle is true. That said, I was pleasantly surprised at some of the contents of that site myself. 🙂
How do you vary, if you don’t mind my asking?
It varies with the amount of physical pain I am in. When I have a few good days with only mild pain then my mood improves and overall outlook is brighter. And when I get days of more intense pain…yeah you get the idea.
Sabi what did you mean by you only matter in ways you don’t care for?
Oh I see now. Here’s hoping it disappears or at least diminishes to something manageable…
To answer your question, I’m unable to make anything meaningful (to me) out of my “life.” I had dreams but neither the resolve nor confidence to achieve them. The only use my existence seems to offer is to be of assistance to people I wish I’d cut out of my life long ago.
thx
The dreams, they can’t be reached now?
Sorry, I should have said I had potential to pursue any of a number of opportunities in my youth, but those “dreams” were rather indistinct. I don’t think I ever really believed deep down that I could accomplish any of them. That’s never changed.
Fast forward and I had a good ride for a decade and a half there, but then things got worse than ever before. I would pretty much have to be already out of the situation I’m in right now to be able to do what I need to do to get out of this situation. :/
I feel like I am either a 5 or a 7, but mostly always at 5. I transcend number 6 because I am not distressed by the fact that I think of suicide and death every day, typically. There is maybe one day out of a few months where I think about how fucked up it probably is to think about it as much as people like us do, but I still feel as though it is a relatively normal thing to feel and think.
Yeah, after being on this ride for a long time, I can see that. It gets hard to imagine what it’s like *not* to be thinking about and/or wishing for death so much. I think I mark it as a point of “recovery” (of sorts) that it distresses me to think about it. Even if that means I’m distressed/tensed up/anxious/on edge for a good chunk of each day.
I’m between a 6-8 I think about it everyday but too chicken to actually do it yet….
I hope you find whatever you need to make life feel worth living again. :’)
Thanks sweetheart. :’) I’ve been suffering on off with depression for years ever since i was 11 I just turned 20 last october. These past few weeks have been extremley rough on me….
About a 7 to 8. There isn’t a day I don’t wish I was dead but I can’t seem to finish the resolve. I think if a bus drove in front of me, I wouldn’t bother moving. I was at a 9 for a while but then I managed to calm down a bit. I have been worse in the past but I had a lot more resolve back then, now I’m just to blasé about the damn thing
*nods* I think if a bus came at me I’d hesitate so long on whether I should let it hit me that it would hit me before I decided, lol…
I just happened to look at her site today. And scored a solid 9, considering I’ve already purchased a burial plot, put a deposit on my gravestone, and spoke with the funeral director in the small town where I will die and be buried. I thought I had it all planned out, even where, how and about when this summer. But each day it gets harder to come home, where I have to act as if everything is OK. I’ve never been a very good liar, and having to lie to my wife about where I was when I ordered the stone, how my day at work was, and how I’m doing, is tearing me apart. I even lied to my doctor when she asked me if I had a suicide plan, and then lied when I promised to tell her if I developed one. I just want it to be over now. Each day it just seems to get harder to stay alive
@Lost2many:
Ouch, that is a heavy burden to carry, and for a long time too. Interesting coincidence that you stumbled across the site at the same time as me. What did you think of it?
Anyway, I hope you can whittle that down from a 9 somehow…
I’m more homicidal today than suicidal, but thankfully I can keep both in check by smacking myself upside the head with a brick a few times. Ow. OW. Okay, I’m better. I don’t think your site covered my particular variant.
*offers an ice pack* :’)
8.. 2 off of 10 due to harming my family and surviving suicide attempt with even worse problems..
flipping my jeep at high speed is my only way of doing it at this point.. but the survive ability is huge.
I let problems build.. i guess thats what depression does.. stops our minds from handling our problems… then they get worse and worse…. wow.. i was depressed over the stupidest shit… now its escalated out of control because i didnt handle it.. jus sat depressed and whined as things built up… fml
*nods* Depression can definitely lead to difficulties addressing our actual problems. Please be careful not to harm others if you choose to go. Better yet if there’s someone who can help you, talk to them. If not, a good venting post on this site will help. (In case you’re still having trouble with it: use the dashboard button at the top and the option should be on that page to create/draft a new post.)
probs around 3 when im feelin ok and 7 when im emotionally gongered
Wow, that’s a harsh switch.
I’ve been a steady 3 this past month, due only to my physical pain, with the pain itself being a nagging 7 thanks to my neck still being fricken stiff. Mentally, I’ve never been better; and I say that with the utmost confidence. I actually feel as if I can contribute to my friends in a meaningful way now, and without having to worry about my own suicidal thoughts. Applying for my passport and making provisions for a holiday in the next two months have put me back into a frame of mind where I know I can achieve anything when I see a tangible objective in sight.
“I actually feel as if I can contribute to my friends…”
It’s amazing to see you say that. I thought I was the only one thinking that way even about friendships. That you need to “contribute” something as opposed to just being your authentic self. I’m glad you’re feeling mentally clear and in good spirits. I’m sure you’re right and it’s a great sign. I know I’ve been struggling with brain fog and memory issues for at least as long as I’ve been anxious/depressed. I hope your recovery keeps up and maybe I can follow you in that general direction, myself. And of course, I hope that pain goes way down for you.
It was very quiet at work yesterday, so I spent the day surfing depression & suicide websites, coming across her website. Its nice that she personally responds to the people who are obviously in the most pain, but, as she admits, she is not a therapist or counselor, so she steers people towards either a local mental health professional (out of the question for me), or a telephone crisis center. In my earlier comment, I had typed” this summer”, but I meant this coming summer. When I first posted here in October, I asked for advice on making the initial shock and funeral less traumatic on my family, and someone did give me some thoughtful advice, based on his own family history. I’ve incorporated some of that advice into my plan. I’m not quite sure why I’ve come back again, other than to vent, but its somehow helpful to know that other people have the same feelings and thoughts. Thanks for replying to my comment.
at the moment I’m at 10, but trying to stay calm, until things go bad
I hope things get better for you (and that you don’t get stuck at 6/7 like me).
It was a seven for me, thinking about it continually, wishing I wasn’t around, making plans but not yet acting on them, to scared I suppose, waiting for the new year to see what it’ll bring.
Sounds a lot like me. I’m both glad we have this site to find others going through similar internal struggles, and saddened so many of us are stuck with this sense of inertia…
Most of the time I am a 3
I think about it from time to time.
But I have been through so much in the past and have made it through so much
that I have this feeling that maybe my day might come. You know
Like maybe some great thing wll come my way someday. Thats what keeps me hanging in there.
So I occasionally have thoughts of suicide
but because things have been getting better for me Im probably not going to do it any time
soon. But I do have a plan and a method of doing it if I get into such a rut where
there is no point to go on. So I am like a 3 now but I coud jump higher up that
scale if things started to get really bad for me. I ultimately believe I will probably do it
someday. But I want to hang in here for as long as I can. As long as I have things and opportunities in my life going for me that make it worthwhile to be alive I will keep going
, but if the shit hits the fan in some drastic way or life becomes so hard there is no
chance of having a good life. I will end it.
I hope that’s where you’ve stabilized and it’s not a cycle like for me where the odd good day I have is around a nice number like 3 and bad days are 8+? I hope that 3 is a realistic one, but I also have these dreams of being “saved” by winning the lottery/all my problems being solved some day so I can get a real fresh start. (These pipe dreams start off feeling motivating but then it all deflates so fast…)
7 or 8 most days. Today I have been considering the sensations of cutting my wrists in a nice warm bath. Just the initial pain of the cut, then the warmth of the water and the gradual coldness that would envelop me as my blood becomes the water. It seems oddly inviting to me. No real reason not to.
Wow, I wish it really could go like that. All I imagine with that scenario is a lot of continued pain and the experience of having to cut along the arms several times to properly damage one’s veins. In at least one case, tensing muscles in an injured arm. Sadly there really is no painless way to go. Not even near-painless. (I guess that fact is half the reason I’m alive today…)