As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could be that I am completely unlovable. Maybe my parents treated me badly because I deserved it. All I know is now I just want to die and meet Jesus to feel love. I do believe in Him and He is the only one who can show me the unconditional love I seek. My dog and cat give me that sweet type of love, but I need and want just 1 human, 1 person who will express love to me with actions instead of words. I live alone with my pets and have become very reclusive. For Christmas I am going to buy myself a present-a handgun with hollow bullets. Then I can go someplace peaceful and be happy for eternity.
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My parents never showed me love and there was abuse also. So I know how horrible to grow up not knowing what its like to have anybody care about you.
Im glad you believe in Jesus I do too and I never would have made it this far in life if I didnt.
You sound like a good person. I bet you could find a good man who will love you and that might take some of the pain away from your past and your feelings of hurt and lonliness. I wish the best for you. I hope you dont through with your plan to end it. Try to reach out to somebody.
Maybe you could look for somebody on a single Christian dating site.
Have a good day. I pray that things will be better for you.